周興旺 周莉娜 陳強(qiáng)

考古幫助我們跨越時(shí)空和古人對話，幫助我們更好地了解早期人類的生活方式和人類文明的發(fā)展進(jìn)程。請根據(jù)右邊的圖片和下面的表格，以The Gold Sun Bird Artifact為題，寫一篇120字左右的短文，介紹2001年出土于四川成都金沙遺址的一張金箔——太陽神鳥金飾。

寫作指導(dǎo)

本文屬于物品介紹類說明文。對這類寫作，首先，我們要明確說明對象，抓住該物品的特征。其次，我們要用恰當(dāng)?shù)捻樞虬堰@件事物的外觀、構(gòu)造、功能、用途等展現(xiàn)在讀者的面前；同時(shí)，可采用舉例子、列數(shù)據(jù)、 作引用、分類別等不同的說明方法讓讀者更好的了解該物品。

習(xí)作1

The Gold Sun Bird Artifact belongs to the late Shang Dynasty， which was found in the Jinsha site in Chengdu， in the year of 2001.

According to the component analysis， it turns out that the gold content is as high as 94.2%. The gold decoration could be a sacrifice artifact of the ancient shu people and now is exhibited in Jinsha Ruins Museum in Chengdu. As to the shape， the four birds connect with each other， flying in the same direction. Its external diameter is 12.5cm， and thickness is 0.02cm. It weighs 20g. The Gold Sun Bird artifact became a symbol of Chinese cultural heritage in 2005. Also， during the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games， the cultural relic was exhibited in the Capital Museum.

點(diǎn)評 這篇文章詳略得當(dāng)，時(shí)態(tài)運(yùn)用準(zhǔn)確，將事物的特征、外觀基本呈現(xiàn)在了讀者面前。

The Gold Sun Bird Artifact is an artifact in the late Shang Period， which was found in the Jinsha site in Chengdu， in the year of 2001. 這句話是一個(gè)非限制性定語從句，但如果改成The Gold Sun Bird Artifact， a well known culture relic， was discovered coincidently in 2001 from the Jinsha Ruins in Chengdu City， Sichuan Province， China.可使層次更為分明，表達(dá)更為貼切，語言更有節(jié)奏感。

The gold decoration could be a sacrifice artifact of the ancient shu people and now is exhibited in Jinsha Ruins Museum in Chengdu.這句話中有could表示對過去事情的推測，也出現(xiàn)了一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)，體現(xiàn)了作者對時(shí)態(tài)較好的把握。

As to the shape， the four birds connect with each other， flying in the same direction. 這句應(yīng)該改成Referred to the pattern， the artifact shows the four birds connect with each other， flying in the same direction. 這樣語言更合乎邏輯。

綜觀全文，盡管作者基本完成了寫作要求，但有些表達(dá)不盡如人意?！拔乃瓶瓷讲幌财健?，而全文以簡單句為主，復(fù)合句極少，句型也較為單一。

習(xí)作2

The Gold Sun Bird Artifact is a piece of gold foil unearthed in 2001， in the Jinsha site in Sichuan， Chengdu， which dates back to the late Shang Dynasty （About 1300 BC to 1046 BC）.

The so-called “four birds around the sun” gives us a very dynamic visual effect. Its external diameter is 12.5cm， thickness is 0.02cm， and weight is 20g. More importantly， after testing we found its gold content is as high as 94.2%. Absolutely， this is a shocking discovery. According to experts speculate， the gold foil decoration could be an artifact of ancient Shu peoples sacrifice. In 2005， the Gold Sun Bird Artifact became the symbol of Chinese cultural heritage. During the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008， it was displayed in the Capital Museum， showing the ancient culture of China.

All in all， the unearthed Gold Sun Bird Artifact must be a great discovery in archaeology.

點(diǎn)評 該文章全面地介紹了物品的性質(zhì)、特點(diǎn)、用途、語言簡潔、流暢、層次分明、過渡自然，時(shí)態(tài)選用得當(dāng)。

The Gold Sun Bird Artifact is a piece of gold foil unearthed in 2001， in the Jinsha site in Sichuan， Chengdu， which dates back to the late Shang Dynasty （About 1300 BC to 1046 BC）.該句中使用了過去分詞作后置定語，以及非限制性定語從句，使得文章的開頭邏輯性強(qiáng)，層次分明，給人眼前一亮的感覺。文章的最后一句話All in all， the unearthed Gold Sun Bird Artifact must be a great discovery in archaeology. 對該物品的地位作用進(jìn)行了總結(jié)，形成了很好的首尾呼應(yīng)。

During the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008， it was displayed in the Capital Museum， showing the ancient culture of China. 使用了現(xiàn)在分詞作狀語，進(jìn)一步豐富了文章的句型。

文章中in 2001， in 2005， during the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008的使用表現(xiàn)出了清晰的時(shí)間順序。

More importantly， after testing we found its gold content is as high as 94.2%. Absolutely， this is a shocking discovery. 文章中這兩句話用非限制性定語從句合并為一句話更好，同時(shí)用whats more代替more importantly，使邏輯關(guān)系更為明顯，即Whats more， after testing we found its gold content is as high as 94.2%， which is absolutely a shocking discovery。

范文

The Gold Sun Bird Artifact， which dates back to the late Shang Dynasty， was unearthed in 2001 from the Jinsha Site in Chengdu， Sichuan Province.

It is a ring-shaped piece of foil， whose external diameter is 12.5cm， thickness is 0.02cm， and weight is about 20g. Its bright colour and complicated pattern make it stand out， which consists of four gold birds， flying in the same counter-clockwise direction. Once it was unearthed， people were all amazed by this fabulous little thing. What shocked the country and the whole world further was that its gold content is as high as 94.2%.

In 2005， the Golden Sun Bird Artifact was selected to be the symbol of Chinese Cultural Heritage. During the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008， it was displayed in the Capital Museum， showing the great ancient Chinese culture to the people all over the world. The artifact which is said to have been used in the ancient sacrifice rite or worship is now preserved in the well-known Jinsha Site Museum. There is no doubt that the Gold Sun Bird Artifact is a great discovery in archaeology.