by Sue Townsend烏蕪 譯

少年阿莫的秘密日記

by Sue Townsend烏蕪 譯

Thursday January 1st

Bank Holiday in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales

These are my New Year’s resolutions:

I will help the blind across the road.

I will hang my trousers up.

I will put the1)sleeves back on my records.

I will not start smoking.

I will stop squeezing my spots.

I will be kind to the dog.

I will help the poor and ignorant.

After hearing the disgusting noises from downstairs last night, I have also vowed never to drink alcohol.

My father got the dog drunk on cherry brandy at the party last night. If the2)RSPCA hear about it he could get done. Eight days have gone by since Christmas Day, but my mother still hasn’t worn the green3)Lurex apron I bought her for Christmas! She’ll be getting bathcubes next year.

Just my luck, I’ve got a spot on my chin for the frst day of the New Year!

1月1日星期四

英格拉、愛爾蘭、蘇格蘭與威爾士的銀行休息日

這些是我的新年計劃：

扶盲人過馬路。

把褲子掛好。

聽完唱片套上封套。

不沾煙。

不再擠痘痘。

對狗狗好一點(diǎn)。

幫助窮人和沒文化的人。

在昨晚聽過樓下傳來的令人厭惡的噪聲后，我還發(fā)誓永不沾酒。

爸爸昨晚在派對上用櫻桃白蘭地把家里的狗灌醉了。如果皇家防止虐待動物協(xié)會知道這件事，他就完蛋了。圣誕節(jié)已經(jīng)過去了八天，但我還沒見媽媽穿過那件綠色的盧勒克斯圍裙，這是我送給她的圣誕禮物！明年她只能收到浴皂！

真倒霉，新年第一天我的下巴就長了一顆痘痘！

蘇·唐珊（1946—2014），英國著名小說家、劇作家。唐珊早年一直默默無聞，直到她三十多歲時，因發(fā)表了據(jù)其童年經(jīng)歷寫成的《少年阿莫的秘密日記》，受到了讀者和媒體的一致好評，才開始聲名鵲起。該書被迅速改編成影視作品，成為了英倫的時代話題。此后，唐珊又陸續(xù)發(fā)表了《少年阿莫的秘密日記Ⅱ》《阿莫抓狂記》《阿莫的卡布其諾年代》等“阿莫”系列作品，隨著這些作品被翻譯成越來越多的語言，她逐漸成為全球讀者熱愛的著名作家。

《少年阿莫的秘密日記》是一本幽默的日記體小說，以少年阿莫的口吻記錄下生活中的點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滴滴。翻開這本秘密日記，我們認(rèn)識了阿莫這個天真稚嫩、敏感善良的男孩。他和十三四歲時的我們很相像——熱心助人、希望能成為一個知識分子、開始長青春痘并對此很在意、有了喜歡的人……但他也和十三四歲的我們不太一樣，他的生活似乎比我們混亂得多，一直麻煩纏身——父親失業(yè)、母親出軌、在學(xué)校受到班上惡霸的勒索……然而無論是那些雞毛蒜皮的小事，還是那些牽動人心的大事，作者都以幽默的筆觸處理得妙趣橫生，讓你時不時捧腹大笑。歡笑之余，還收獲了滿滿的溫暖和感動。

Tuesday January 13th

My father has gone back to work. Thank God! I don’t know how my mother sticks with him.

Mr Lucas came in this morning to see if my mother needed any help round the house. He is very kind. Mrs Lucas was next door cleaning the outside windows. The ladder didn’t look very safe. I have written to4)Malcolm Muggeridge,5)c/o the BBC, asking him what to do about being an intellectual. I hope he writes back soon because I’m getting fed up being one on my own. I have written a poem, and it only took me two minutes. Even the famous poets take longer than that. It is called The Tap, but it isn’t really about a tap, it’s very deep, and about life and stuff like that.

The Tap, by Adrian Mole

The tap drips and keeps me awake,

In the morning there will be a lake.

For the want of a6)washer the carpet will spoil,

Then for another my father will7)toil.

My father could8)snuff it while he is at work.

Dad, ft a washer don’t be a9)burk!

I showed it to my mother, but she laughed. She isn’t very bright. She still hasn’t washed my PE shorts, and I’ve got school tomorrow. She is not like the mothers on television.

1月13日星期二

感謝上帝！我爸爸終于重新工作了。真不知道媽媽怎么會跟他過日子。

今天早上，盧卡斯先生過來我們家，看看我媽媽需不需要幫忙。他人真好。盧卡斯太太在隔壁擦屋外的窗戶。梯子看起來不是很安全。我寄了一封信給英國廣播公司的馬爾科姆·馬格里奇，請教他怎樣才能成為一名知識分子。我希望他能盡快回信，我討厭極了孤軍奮戰(zhàn)的感覺。我寫了一首詩，這只花了我兩分鐘。即便是最著名的詩人也要花更長的時間。這首詩叫“水龍頭”，但我并不是真的在寫水龍頭，這首詩意義深遠(yuǎn)、富含人生哲理。

水龍頭，艾德里安·莫爾著

水龍頭滴滴答答，擾我睡眠，

明日清早，一片汪洋。

少個墊圈，地毯遭殃，

為購地毯，爸爸拼命工作。

也許一不小心就一命嗚呼。

爸爸，裝好墊圈，不要犯傻！

我把這首詩拿給媽媽看，但她居然樂得哈哈大笑。她不是很聰明。她還沒洗我的運(yùn)動褲，明天就要上學(xué)了。她和電視上的媽媽不一樣。

1) sleeve [sli?v] n. 套子，唱片套

2) RSPCA abbr. Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals,（英國）皇家防止虐待動物協(xié)會

3) Lurex ['l??reks] n. 盧勒克斯織物（商標(biāo)名稱）

4) Malcolm Muggeridge 馬爾科姆·馬格里奇（1909—1990），英國記者、作家、媒體人

5) c/o abbr. care of，由…轉(zhuǎn)交

6) washer ['w???] n. 墊圈，用金屬、塑料、橡膠或皮革等制的圓盤狀物，放于螺釘下、輪軸處或連接處以減少摩擦，防止?jié)B漏或均衡壓力

7) toil [t??l] v. 苦干，跋涉，費(fèi)力地做

8) snuff it死去

9) burk [bз?k] n. 傻瓜，berk的變體

Wednesday January 14th

Joined the library. Got Care of the Skin, Origin of Species, and a book by a woman my mother is always going on about. It is called Pride and Prejudice, by a woman called Jane Austen. I could tell the librarian was impressed. Perhaps she is an intellectual like me. She didn’t look at my spot, so perhaps it is getting smaller. About time!

Mr Lucas was in the kitchen drinking coffee with my mother. The room was full of smoke. They were laughing, but when I went in, they stopped.

Mrs Lucas was next door cleaning the drains. She looked as if she was in a bad mood. I think Mr and Mrs Lucas have got an unhappy marriage. Poor Mr Lucas!

None of the teachers at school have noticed that I am an intellectual. They will be sorry when I am famous. There is a new girl in our class. She sits next to me in Geography. She is all right. Her name is Pandora, but she likes being called “Box”. Don’t ask me why. I might fall in love with her. It’s time I fell in love, after all I am 13? years old.

1月14日星期三

我去圖書館辦了借書證。借了《保養(yǎng)皮膚》《物種起源》，還有一本我媽媽老是掛在嘴邊的女作家寫的一本書，叫《傲慢與偏見》，作者是簡·奧斯汀。我可以看出那個圖書管理員很驚訝。也許她和我一樣是個知識分子。她沒有朝我的痘痘看，也許它變小了。這只是遲早的事！

盧卡斯先生和媽媽在廚房喝咖啡。里面煙氣彌漫。他們笑得很開心，但我一進(jìn)去，他們就不出聲了。

盧卡斯太太在隔壁清理排水溝。她看起來心情很差。我想盧卡斯先生和盧卡斯太太的婚姻很不幸福。可憐的盧卡斯先生！

學(xué)校里的老師都沒有注意到我現(xiàn)在是個知識分子了。等我出名了，他們會為此感到遺憾的。我們班來了個新的女同學(xué)。上地理課時，她坐在我隔壁。她很不錯。她的名字叫潘多拉，但她喜歡人家叫她“盒子”。別問我原因。我也許愛上她了。我也該愛上一個人了，畢竟，我都13? 歲了。

10) big-end n.（汽車發(fā)動機(jī)的）連桿頭

11) Lent [lent] n.〈宗〉四旬齋

12) wanton ['w?nt?n] adj. 不道德的，不貞潔的

Saturday January 24th

Today was the most terrible day of my life. My mother has got a job doing her rotten typing in an insurance offce! She starts on Monday! Mr Lucas works at the same place. He is going to give her a lift every day.

And my father is in a bad mood—he thinks his10)big-end is going.

But worst of all, Bert Baxter is not a nice old age pensioner! He drinks and smokes and has an alsatian dog called Sabre. Sabre was locked in the kitchen while I was cutting the massive hedge, but he didn’t stop growling once.

But even worse than that! Pandora is going out with Nigel!!!!! I think I will never get over this shock.

1月24日星期六

今天是我人生中最糟糕的一天。我媽媽憑著她那蹩腳的打字技術(shù)在一間保險公司找到了一份工作。星期一開始上班！盧卡斯先生也在那間公司上班。他準(zhǔn)備每天送她上班。

爸爸心情很不好——他想他汽車的連桿頭要壞了。

但最糟糕的是，領(lǐng)著養(yǎng)老金過活的伯特·巴克斯特并不是一個親切的老人。他喝酒、抽煙，有一條叫賽博的阿爾薩斯犬。當(dāng)我在修剪那一大片灌木叢時，賽博被鎖在了廚房里。但它一直在狂吠。

但比這還要糟糕的是——潘多拉在跟奈杰爾約會?。?！我覺得我永遠(yuǎn)都無法接受這個事實。

Sunday March 29th Fourth in11)Lent. Mothering Sunday

My father gave me three pounds last night. He said,“Get your mother something decent, son, it could be the last time.” I certainly wasn’t going all the way into town for her, so I went to Mr Cherry’s and bought a box of Black Magic, and a card saying “To a wonderful mother”.

Card manufacturers must think that all mothers are wonderful because every single card has “wonderful”written on it somewhere. I felt like crossing “wonderful”out and putting “12)wanton” in its place, but I didn’t. I signed it “from your son, Adrian”. I gave it to her this morning. She said, “Adrian, you shouldn’t have.” She was right, I shouldn’t have.

Must stop now. My mother has arranged what she called “a civilized meeting”. Mr Lucas is going to be there. Naturally, I am not invited! I am going to listen at the door.

3月29日星期日 四旬齋的第四天。母親節(jié)

爸爸昨晚給了我三英鎊。他說，“給你媽媽買份好點(diǎn)的禮物，兒子，這可能是最后一次了?！蔽耶?dāng)然不會為了給媽媽買禮物而千里迢迢地跑到城里去。所以我去了切利先生的店里買了一盒“黑魔法”巧克力，和一張寫著“贈予偉大的母親”的卡片。

卡片制造商一定認(rèn)為所有母親都是偉大的，因為每一張卡都一定有個地方印著“偉大”這個詞。我想把“偉大”劃掉，改成“水性楊花”，但我沒有這樣做。我在上面寫上“你的兒子艾德里安贈”。我今天早上把禮物交給了她。她說，“艾德里安，你不必這樣做?！彼菍Φ?，我不必這樣做。

我得停筆了。媽媽安排了一次所謂的“文明會面”。盧卡斯先生會到場。當(dāng)然，沒有邀請我！我要去門邊偷聽。

Monday March 30th

A terrible thing happened last night. My father and Mr Lucas had a fght in the front garden, the whole street came outside to watch! My mother tried to separate them but they both told her to “keep out of it”. Mr O ’Leary tried to help my father, he kept shouting “Give the13)smarmy bugger one for me, George”. Mrs O’Leary was shouting horrible things at my mother. By the sounds of things, she had been watching my mother’s movements since Christmas. The civilized meeting broke up at about fve o’clock, when my father found out how long my mother and Mr Lucas had been in love.

They had another civilized meeting at about seven o’clock, but when my mother disclosed that she was leaving for Sheffield with Mr Lucas my father became uncivilized and started fighting. Mr Lucas ran into the garden but my father rugby-tackled him by the laurel bush and the fight broke out again. It was quite exciting really. I had a good view from my bedroom window.

Mrs O’Leary said, “Tis the child I feel sorry for”, and all the people looked up and saw me, so I looked especially sad. I expect the experience will give me a trauma at some stage in the future. I’m all right at the moment, but you never know.

3月30日星期一

昨晚發(fā)生了一件很糟糕的事。爸爸和盧卡斯先生在前院打了起來，整條街的人都跑出來看熱鬧！媽媽試著拉開他們，但他們都讓她“不要插手”。奧李爾利先生試著為我爸爸助陣，他不斷喊著“喬治，給我好好揍一頓那個虛情假意的混蛋”。奧李爾利太太則朝我媽媽罵一些難聽的話。聽得出來，從圣誕節(jié)起她就開始注意媽媽的動向。這次“文明會面”在5點(diǎn)左右結(jié)束，直到爸爸搞清楚媽媽和盧卡斯先生在一起多久了。

他們在7點(diǎn)左右又進(jìn)行了一次“文明會面”，但當(dāng)我媽媽聲明她要離開這里，和盧卡斯先生前往設(shè)菲爾德時，我爸爸就變得不文明，動起粗來。盧卡斯先生跑進(jìn)了花園，我爸爸拿著月桂條對他窮追猛打，他們又打了起來。其實那個場面很讓人激動。我從臥室的窗戶看得很清楚。

奧李爾利太太說，“我為這個孩子感到惋惜”，所有人都抬頭看我，所以我擺出了一個難過的表情。我覺得這個經(jīng)歷在將來的某個時刻可能會給我?guī)韨ΑＮ椰F(xiàn)在覺得沒什么，但誰知道以后會怎樣呢。

13) smarmy ['smɑ?m?] adj. 令人厭煩的，愛說奉承話的，虛情假意的

Thursday April 2nd

I am fourteen today! Got a track suit and a football from my father. (He is completely insensitive to my needs.) A Boy’s Book of Carpentry from my grandma Mole. (No comment.) One pound inside a card from my grandad Sugden. (Last of the big spenders). Best of all was ten pounds from my mother and five pounds from Mr Lucas. (Conscience money.)

Nigel sent a joke card; it said on the front, “Who’s sexy, charming, intelligent and handsome?” Inside it said,“Well it certainly ain’t you buddy!!!” Nigel wrote “No offence mate”. He put ten pence inside the envelope.

Bert Baxter sent a card to the school because he doesn’t know where I live. His handwriting is dead good, I think it is called “brass plate”. His card had a picture of an alsatian on the front. Inside Bert had written, “Best wishes from Bert and Sabre. P.S. Drain blocked up”. Inside the card there was a book token for ten shillings. It expired in December 1958, but it was a kind thought.

So at last I am fourteen! Had a good look at myself in the mirror tonight and I think I can detect a certain maturity. (Apart from the rotten spots.)

4月2日星期四

我今天14歲了！爸爸送了我一套運(yùn)動服和一個足球。（他完全不知道我需要的是什么。）奶奶送了一本《男孩的木工手冊》。（不予置評。）外公送了一張卡片，里面裝著一英鎊。（真是“大手筆”。）最好的禮物是媽媽給的十英鎊和盧卡斯先生給的五英鎊。（贖罪錢。）

奈杰爾給我寄了一張笑話卡片，卡片正面寫著：“誰性感、迷人又聰明？里面寫著：“嗯，當(dāng)然不是你，兄弟!!!”奈杰爾在上面寫著“無意冒犯，兄弟”。他在信封里放了十便士。

伯特·巴克斯特把卡片寄到了學(xué)校，因為他不知道我的住址。他的字寫得真好，我想這應(yīng)該是“黃銅字體”?？ㄆ恼媸且恢话査_斯犬。伯特在里面寫著，“給你送上最美好的祝福，伯特和賽博。又及，排水溝堵了”?？ㄆ锩嫜b著一張十先令的購書代價券，1958年12月就到期了，但這是他的心意。

所以，我終于14歲了！我今晚照著鏡子對自己仔細(xì)端詳了一番，我覺得可以從中看出一絲成熟的氣質(zhì)。（成熟的痘痘除外。）

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13?