張武

The Speaker

An after-dinner speaker was talking on and on and on， boring everyone to tears. One of the guests， fighting to keep his drooping eyelids open， turned to the lady on his right and said， “Can something be done to shut him up？”

“If there is Id like to know，” said the lady， “Im his wife and Ive been trying to shut him up for twenty years.”

講演者

一位晚餐后的講演者說(shuō)個(gè)沒(méi)完沒(méi)了，以至每個(gè)人都煩得哈欠連天。有一位客人使勁睜開(kāi)他沉重的眼皮，轉(zhuǎn)向坐在他右邊的一位女士說(shuō)：“有沒(méi)有辦法使他不說(shuō)話了？”

“如果有辦法的話，我倒很想知道?！斑@位女士說(shuō)，”我是他的妻子，我已經(jīng)試了20年了，都沒(méi)能辦到?！?/p>

Only One Eye to Settle On

The girl found the go-between and said， “You cheated me！ One of his eyes is not true. Why didnt you tell me this before？”

“I have told you， ” said the go-between with justice on his side， “When you first met each other， I told you that he settled on you with one eye.”

一眼看中

姑娘找到媒人，說(shuō)；“你欺騙了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前為什么不告訴我？”

“怎么沒(méi)告訴你？”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見(jiàn)面后，我就告訴你他一眼看中你的?！?/p>

What a Beach！

An American touring the Sahara was dressed in a bathing suit. A Bedouin gazed at him in amazement.

“Im going swimming，” the tourist explained.

“But the ocean is eight hundred miles away，” the Arab informed him.

“Eight hundred miles！” the American explained with a huge smile， “Boy， what a beach！”

多寬闊的沙灘！

一名美國(guó)人身穿游泳衣在撒哈拉沙漠旅行。一個(gè)游游牧民詫異地看著他。

“我要去游泳，”這位游客解釋道。

“可是海洋在八百英里以外呢，”這位阿拉伯人告訴他。

“八百英里！”美國(guó)人滿面笑容地驚叫道，“好家伙！多么寬闊的沙灘啊！”

Im Her Father

A staid-looking gentleman was upset at the dress of some young people on the street. “Just look at that，” he barked to a bystander. “Is it a boy or a girl？”

“Its a girl. She is my daughter.”

“Oh， forgive me，” apologized the man. “I didnt know you were her mother.”

“Im not，” snapped the bystander. “Im her father.”

我是她老爸

一位外表穩(wěn)重的紳士對(duì)街上年輕人的打扮頗為不滿?！澳憧纯茨且粋€(gè)，”他對(duì)旁邊的人大聲叫道，“那是個(gè)男孩還是個(gè)女孩？”

“是女孩，是我的女兒。”

“噢，請(qǐng)?jiān)彛蹦俏幌壬狼刚f(shuō)，“我不知道你是她母親。”

“我不是她母親，”那個(gè)人怒氣沖沖地說(shuō)道，“我是她老爸?！?/p>

Be Honest

“If youre going to work here， young man，” said the boss， “one thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in？ ”

“Oh， yes， sir.”

“And another thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat.”

應(yīng)該誠(chéng)實(shí)

“年輕人，如果你想在這里干事，”老板說(shuō)，“有一件事你必須要學(xué)會(huì)。那就是我們這個(gè)公司里要求非常干凈。你進(jìn)來(lái)時(shí)在蹭鞋墊上擦腳了嗎？”

“噢，擦了，先生。”

“另外一件事是我們要求非常誠(chéng)實(shí)。我們門口沒(méi)有贈(zèng)鞋墊?！?/p>