廖英 敖向麗

試題呈現(xiàn)

（2016·全國卷Ⅰ） 假定你是李華，暑假想去一家外貿(mào)公司兼職，已寫好申請書和個人簡歷（resume）。給外教Mr. Jenkins寫信，請她幫你修改所附材料的文字和格式（format）。

注意：1. 詞數(shù)100左右；

2. 可以適當增加細節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

謀篇布局

請求信是對收信人提出要求，并希望對方滿足該要求。寫請求信的重點是要寫清楚請求他們做某事的原因。在許多情況下，請求信是寫給不認識的人或者機構(gòu)的，所以在信的開頭可以作一下簡單的自我介紹。同時，由于提出的請求往往都是需要麻煩別人的事情，所以要注意語氣的禮貌程度，不要吝嗇你的感謝。

在結(jié)構(gòu)布局上，具體可以分為三段：首先介紹自己，提出請求，再說明原因及其他事項，最后表達謝意，期盼答復(fù)。

開頭常用句式

I am writing to formally request ...

May I ask you to consider ...

Could you be kind enough to ...

I am writing to seek your assistance in ...

I am writing to request you to make an investigation on the matter of ...

Will you be kind enough to give me some information about ...

結(jié)尾段常用句式

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Looking forward to a prompt reply from you.

Thank you for your kind assistance.

I shall greatly appreciate your answering my questions.

I would like to thank you for your generous help in this case.

I should remain grateful to you for the great help.

I would appreciate your considering this matter and getting back to me at your earliest convenience.

Thank you for your attention to these requests.

習(xí)作1

Dear Ms. Jenkins，

Im a senior student taught by you. Sorry to bother you but I am really in urgent need of your help.

I want to get a part-time jop in a foreign trade company. The resume had been ready， but I dont have confidence that I could be chosen. So I need your help. I know you are exactly a respectful teacher and have a great number of knowledge. Whats more， you are a native speaker， knowing the grammar better than us. So can you spend a little time to reduce my articles？

Im sorry to take up your time but I will be grateful if you could give me a hand.

Yours，

Li Hua

點評 根據(jù)高考評分標準，我們可以將其歸為第四檔（16～20分），具體評分為19分。

第四檔（16～20分）的評分標準為：完全完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)。雖漏掉一、兩個次重點，但覆蓋所有主要內(nèi)容。應(yīng)用的語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯能滿足任務(wù)的要求。語法結(jié)構(gòu)或詞匯方面應(yīng)用基本準確，些許錯誤主要是因嘗試較復(fù)雜的語法結(jié)構(gòu)或詞匯所致。應(yīng)用簡單的語句間的連接成分，使全文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。達到了預(yù)期的寫作目的。

這篇文章的優(yōu)點在于：

1. 段落清晰，主題明確，且恰當運用銜接詞，如so，whats more等。

2. 恰當?shù)剡\用了一些亮點表達，如in urgent need of， 還運用了非謂語動詞knowing the grammar better than us。

不足之處是：

1. 要點不足。文章提出具體的修改要求是修改文字和格式，而作者只說了reduce my articles。

2. 搭配不當。knowledge不能與a great number搭配，reduce my articles中的reduce應(yīng)改為revise。

3. 時態(tài)混亂。在The resume had been ready， but I dont have confidence that I could be chosen這句話中，強調(diào)動作到現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)完成應(yīng)使用has been ready，同時后面的could應(yīng)改為can，因為表述的不是過去的事情。

習(xí)作2

Dear Ms. Jenkins，

I am a senior three student from our high school， and I am writing in the hope of your assistance for standard writing and formatting.

In order to accumulate some social experience and improve my professional competence， I am going to take a part-time job during the summer vacation. Interested in a position in a foreign-captured company， I have already written my application letter and resume all in English. However， It is by no means whether there are some unauthentic expressions or inappropriate format in the materials I prepared. Therefore， I would be grateful if you could spend some time in checking the expressions and format of the attached materials thoroughly.

Your early reply would be highly appreciated.

Sincerely yours，

Li Hua

點評 根據(jù)此篇文章的優(yōu)缺點和高考評分標準，我們可以將其歸為第五檔（21～25分），具體評分為24分。

第五檔（21～25分）的評分標準為：完全完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)。覆蓋所有內(nèi)容要點。應(yīng)用了較多的語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯。語法結(jié)構(gòu)或詞匯方面有些許錯誤，但為盡力使用較復(fù)雜的結(jié)構(gòu)或較高級的詞匯所致。具備較強的語言應(yīng)用能力。有效地使用了語句間的連接成分，使全文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。完全達到了預(yù)期的寫作目的。

這篇文章的優(yōu)點在于：

1. 觀點清晰，層次分明，要點齊全，細節(jié)補充到位，詳略得當，內(nèi)容飽滿充實。

2. 合理運用銜接詞使得過渡自然，如in order to，however， therefore。

3. 語言輸出能力強，亮點表達多。在詞方面，用到了assistance而非普通的help， accumulate而不是get/collect。此外，恰到好處用到一些形容詞和副詞讓表達更飽滿，如unauthentic， inappropriate， thoroughly。在短語方面，有in the hope of， professional competence， by no means。在句式方面，長短句并存，富有節(jié)奏感。運用了主語從句、分詞作狀語合并語句，使表達更緊湊。如：

Interested in a position in a foreign-captured company， I have already written my application letter and resume all in English. （分詞作狀語）

It is by no means certain whether there are some unauthentic expressions or inappropriate format in the materials I prepared. （主語從句）

不足之處是：

此篇文章存在極少數(shù)的詞匯識記錯誤，如：assist sb. in doing sth.， 因此第一段中的your assistance for standard writing and formatting的for應(yīng)改為in。此外，此篇文章高級表達有些過頭，幾乎句句都是高級句式，從而使得表達有些不自然，影響了應(yīng)用文的交際性。