徐雪梅

情景作文，即看圖寫作，是高考英語書面表達題的常見形式，要求同學們根據(jù)對圖畫內(nèi)容的細心觀察，充分發(fā)揮自己的想象力和理解力，深刻理解作者通過圖畫所傳達的信息，進而有條理、有重點、生動準確地把圖畫內(nèi)容加工成書面語言。這類題一般提供4—6幅圖，畫面內(nèi)容通常涉及日常生活，甚至大多數(shù)是同學們自己經(jīng)歷過的。本文將以北京卷情景作文為例，詳細探討情景作文的寫作技巧。

一、高考情景作文評分標準（以北京卷為例）

（一）評分總原則

1.本題總分為20分，按5個檔次給分。

2.評分時，先根據(jù)文章的內(nèi)容和語言質(zhì)量初步確定其檔次，然后以該檔次的要求來衡量，確定或調(diào)整檔次，最后給分。

3.評分時應考慮內(nèi)容要點的完整性、上下文的連貫性、詞匯和句式的多樣性及語言的準確性。

4.拼寫、標點符號或書寫影響內(nèi)容表達時，應視其影響程度予以考慮。英、美拼寫及詞匯用法均可接受。

5.詞數(shù)少于60，從總分中減去1分。

（二）高分作文的給分要求

二、情景作文寫作流程

· 例題· 假設你是李華，光明中學的學生。寒假期間你參加了社區(qū)居委會組織的社區(qū)服務活動。請你按照圖片順序，以“Community Service”為題，向?qū)W校英文?？陡?，介紹這次活動的情況。

注意：1. 文章開頭已為你寫好；2. 詞數(shù)不少于60；3. 參考詞匯（sports facilities體育設施）。

During the winter vacation， the students in our class joined in the meaningful activity， in which all of us did our bit for the community.

（一）審中文信息，確定幾大要素

“磨刀不誤砍柴工”，審題是否清楚是一篇書面表達成功與否的關鍵所在，在整個寫作過程中起著決定性作用。審題時要做到以下幾點：

1. 審要求

書面表達試題一般都由“情景”和“要求”兩部分構成。“情景”中包括所寫材料的目的、對象、時間、地點、內(nèi)容等，一般在題目的前半部分；而“要求”一般在題目的后半部分，以“注意”的形式給出。因而考生對題目所提供的說明，應認真分析、反復推敲，弄清楚提出的內(nèi)容要求，抓住所要表達的信息點。

2. 審文體

高考書面表達的體裁一般有記敘文、說明文和應用文三大類，具體形式有便條、日記、通知、書信、人物描寫、事件講述、看圖說話、縮寫、擴寫、改寫等。審題時要審清文體，注意每種文體的不同格式。

3. 審人稱

審查題干中隱含的讀者對象和撰寫人，即此篇文章是由誰寫給誰的。寫稿人是誰一般都已明確指出，如“假設你是李華”，寫作時即用第一人稱“我”。而讀者對象有時沒有明示，要同學們自己去判斷。

4. 審時態(tài)

根據(jù)情景判斷短文需要的主體時態(tài)，即搞清楚要寫的是什么時候的事。例如，日記是敘述過去發(fā)生的事情，自然要用過去時，而通知多用將來時。

針對例題，審題結果如下：

（二）審圖片信息，列出寫作提綱

寫作文時，一定要切題，緊扣中心，抓住要點；不要任意發(fā)揮，畫蛇添足，也不要丟三落四，使得要點不全。要通過對提示或圖畫、圖表的觀察和分析，獲取與寫作內(nèi)容有關的主要信息，并按一定的邏輯順序排列起來，列出寫作提綱并構思結尾。

注意：不要添加與圖無關的細節(jié)，例如針對圖1添加一句“We kept talking until midnight. The grandma invited us to dinner...”，這是畫蛇添足的表現(xiàn)。

（三）選詞組句，連句成篇，形成初稿

在體裁明確、中心突出、要點清晰的前提下，應該選擇自己最熟悉、最有把握的詞語和句型，將要點逐條表達出來。表達時，應該綜合運用所掌握的知識，避開生僻的詞匯，并克服母語的干擾，用地道的英語表達出來，力求做到語言準確無誤；根據(jù)要點選詞組句，然后按照篇章結構連句成篇。在這一過程中，要注意選擇恰當?shù)谋硎静⒘?、遞進、因果或轉(zhuǎn)折意義的過渡詞（如and，then，but，however，besides，thus，soon，first，second，finally等），把所有要點、句子連接起來，使句子之間意思連貫，文章結構銜接得好，力求條理清楚，脈絡清晰，層次分明。

下面我們來看看一位同學針對例題寫出的作文：

During the winter vacation， the students in our community joined in the meaningful activity， in which all of us did our bit for our community.

①In her home， we went to visit an old lady. We swept the floor and wiped the windows. One of us chatted with her and the rest helped do a cleaning. Then the house looked really neat and tidy.

②There are different sports facilities which needed polishing. Then we went to the sports center. Soon everything was clean. We also picked up the rubbish on the grass.

③We put up New Year decorations on the board and a poster with “Happy New Year” on it. The Spring Festival was around the corner.

④Although we were tired， we felt happy. Having done all these， we saw a more pleasant community.

點評：這篇作文覆蓋了內(nèi)容要點，但缺少部分細節(jié)；簡單連接，內(nèi)容連貫，句與句之間連接自然；詞匯潤色不夠，還有添加的余地；雖然有一些用詞錯誤，但不影響理解，達到了預期的寫作效果；較好地完成了寫作任務——屬于三檔文（12分）。

（四）修改初稿，給文章潤色

第一，對自己的初稿進行潤色，可以從以下三個方面著手：一潤句式（使用從句、非謂語、特殊句式等），強化語言感染力；二潤詞匯（準確使用較高級的單詞、詞組和豐富的表達），提高語言質(zhì)量；三潤過渡、關聯(lián)（使用恰當?shù)倪^渡詞和過渡句），使文章結構清晰、情節(jié)發(fā)展自然。第二，可以從每個具體活動的原因、目的和活動后的結果進行合理的展開，添加必要的細節(jié)，讓全文語言更生動、內(nèi)容更具體。第三，在結尾段，真切自然地表達個人的真實感受、收獲、責任，活動的重要性和意義等，以升華情感，增強文章的力度。

根據(jù)這三個修改步驟，上文的①—④段可改成：

①To begin with， we went to visit an old lady who lived alone. In her home， to keep her company， one of us was chatting with her over a cup of tea while the rest were helping do a cleaning， for （as） its a tradition for Chinese to have houses cleaned thoroughly before Spring Festival. Not only did we sweep the floor， dust the table but we also wiped the windows. After that， the house looked really neat and tidy.

②Then we went to the sports center where different sports facilities needed polishing. We set out to work at once. Soon everything was clean. Tired but eager to do more， we also picked up the litter on the grass， which would surely please all of the residents./ We completed this task because of the perfect teamwork.

③As the Spring Festival was around the corner， we put up New Year decorations on the billboard and a poster with “Happy Chinese New Year” on it. In no time the community was immersed in a happy， harmonious and festive atmosphere.

④Having done all these， we saw a more pleasant community. Although we were tired， we felt happy.

（五）復查糾錯，精益求精

通讀全文，檢查內(nèi)容是否符合要求，要點是否齊全，格式是否正確，詞數(shù)是否合乎要求。最主要的是檢查句子是否符合英語習慣，語法是否正確（包括句子結構、時態(tài)、語態(tài)、主謂一致等），單詞是否誤寫、少寫，習語搭配是否得當，字母大小寫、標點符號是否正確等，這就要求考生在定稿前仔細核對，及時發(fā)現(xiàn)并改正問題。

（六）規(guī)范書寫，保持卷面整潔

書面表達能力不僅反映在表達內(nèi)容上，也反映在書寫效果上。一定要做到書寫規(guī)范，字跡工整，卷面整潔，標點符號使用正確，使別人看起來有耳目一新之感，從而提高自己的得分檔次。

三、高分作文賞析

Throughout the vacation， we visited the homes of elderly people living alone. While most of us wiped the surfaces of doors， windows and tables and swept the floor， the most talkative of the group would sit down and chat with the owner of the house to keep him or her company. It was always such a delight to see their faces light up upon seeing us.

We also devoted a large part of our time to working outside in the neighborhood. Having been put into use for a long period， the outdoor community fitness center needed a great deal of cleaning. The dirt was hard to scrape off， but fortunately we brought a bucket of water with us， which made cleaning the sports facilities so much easier， though you wont believe how murky（混濁的） the water became in the end！ Afterwards， we went trash-hunting and filled the bin bags we brought with us with garbage found on the paths and patches of grass near the apartment buildings.

As the Spring Festival drew near， we helped put up the decorations. On the community notice boards were colorful posters that we had spent ages making and bore pictures of the tiger， the new years symbol. Whats more， we put up a long red banner（橫幅、大標題） wishing everyone a happy Chinese New Year. Before long， the neighborhood was drowned in lively festive atmosphere.

After our work was done， everyone had so much to say and write about. There are some things that simply cant be achieved by hiding in your home playing computer games. You have to get out there and do something， and in our case， it was helping to make our community a lovelier place to live in.

點評：全篇結構完整，內(nèi)容要點齊全，描述的語句豐富，上下文連貫，有效地使用了語句間的連接成分，各個段落之間、句與句之間契合性強，首尾照應。使用了較高級的詞匯和短語，句式豐富，比如使用復合句、非謂語、介詞短語等。全篇基本沒有語法和用詞錯誤，體現(xiàn)了較強的語言運用能力。語言地道流暢，無論是詞語的使用還是句式的變化，都是水到渠成。

在剩下這段考前的沖刺時間里，建議同學們一方面在作文訓練中大膽用詞，變換句式，充分發(fā)揮語言的綜合運用能力；另一方面經(jīng)常找老師面批作文，改寫二稿，其實修改的過程恰恰是寫作水平快速提升的過程，好的文章一定是經(jīng)過反復推敲的。對于情景作文，同學們可以整理以前寫過的作文，按話題分類，歸納不同話題下常用的語言表達，背誦不同話題的范文，并將自己的作文與范文進行對比，爭取在遣詞造句、謀篇布局等方面不斷突破。