廣東 王君華

針對讀后續(xù)寫這一綜合題型，情感描寫的微技能培養(yǎng)一直是教學(xué)的重難點(diǎn)。正所謂，讀書破萬卷，下筆如有神。所以筆者嘗試在教學(xué)中，緊密結(jié)合名著導(dǎo)讀，通過以讀帶寫的方式，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生鑒賞經(jīng)典作品，從而學(xué)習(xí)潤色句子。本文通過解析近年來高考英語真題中對“眼睛”的描寫，展示名著《秘密花園》（The Secret Garden）和《傲慢與偏見》(Pride and Prejudice)中對“眼睛”的經(jīng)典刻畫，探索文本亮點(diǎn)，歸納句式特點(diǎn)，提煉寫作微技能。

一、教學(xué)重難點(diǎn)及切入點(diǎn)

1.教學(xué)重難點(diǎn)：掌握刻畫眼睛的三個常用方式，包括經(jīng)典句式和?？荚~匯：（1）shining/sparkling/twinkling/glittering eyes（2）eyes sparkle/shine/twinkle/glitter with excitement/pleasure/delight/determination（3）too terrified/scared to open one’s eyes，with eyes wide open。

2.筆者展示青春偶像鞠婧祎的照片，請學(xué)生描述她的美貌?？深A(yù)知的學(xué)生答案：She is beautiful.此類描述在讀后續(xù)寫中屬于to tell 而非to show 的方式，表達(dá)太寬泛，人物描寫也不夠生動，難以讓人產(chǎn)生畫面感。筆者展示英語歌曲Just the Way You Are 中的歌詞“Her eyes,her eyes make the stars look like they are not shining.Her hair,her hair falls perfectly without her trying.She’s so beautiful.”。歌曲先刻畫閃亮的眼睛和完美的秀發(fā)等細(xì)節(jié)，使人物形象躍然紙上，最后的“She’s so beautiful.”就顯得自然有力。而shining 一詞，既可以修飾stars，也可以通過比喻來修飾eyes，閃亮靈動的眼睛，給讀者留下深刻的印象。

二、歸納名著地道表達(dá)

筆者通過解析三篇高考讀后續(xù)寫真題，結(jié)合經(jīng)典英語作品，歸納展示描寫眼睛的地道表達(dá)。

【例1】（2020 年1 月浙江卷，讀后續(xù)寫）Para 1:Dad opened the box and a sweet little dog appeared.It has shining/______________________ dark eyes.

筆者直接設(shè)計(jì)補(bǔ)全句子的練習(xí)，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生思考小狗眼睛的特點(diǎn)和尋找刻畫小狗眼睛的突破口。然后筆者運(yùn)用歸納法進(jìn)行教學(xué)，展示儲備材料，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生探索亮點(diǎn)詞匯：（1）童謠 Twinkle,Twinkle,Little Star 中的歌詞“Twinkle,twinkle,little star.How I wonder what your are.”；（2）經(jīng)典名著《威尼斯商人》The Merchant of Venice 中的名句“All thatglittersis not gold.”；（3）經(jīng)典名著《傲慢與偏見》里對班納特太太眼睛的刻畫“Mrs.Bennet’s eyessparkled.‘A gentleman and a stranger! It is Mr.Bingley.’”。通過對語境和語義的解讀可知，其中的動詞twinkle,glitter 和sparkle 都是shine 的同義詞。再結(jié)合范例詞shining 的形式變化，學(xué)生不難總結(jié)出twinkling/glittering/sparkling 都可修飾eyes，意為“閃亮的”。類似的“發(fā)光”詞，表面上刻畫了眼睛的狀態(tài)，實(shí)際上折射出角色的心靈。

【例2】（2017 年11 月浙江卷，讀后續(xù)寫）Para 1:The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.

同上，筆者設(shè)計(jì)補(bǔ)全句子的練習(xí)，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生思考人物的情緒，并直接利用上例中的關(guān)鍵詞twinkle，通過同詞復(fù)現(xiàn)的方式，增強(qiáng)學(xué)習(xí)的連貫性?！癢hy not just make full use of the tent and go camping?”asked Dad.We winked at Mom,finding her eyes twinkling ___________________.同上例，筆者運(yùn)用歸納法，展示儲備材料，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生探索亮點(diǎn)詞匯：經(jīng)典名著《傲慢與偏見》里對班納特太太眼睛的刻畫“Mrs.Bennet’s eyessparkled with pleasure,and she was eagerly calling out,while her daughter read the letter from the gentleman.”。通過對語境和語義的解讀可知，sparkle 可作為謂語動詞來刻畫眼睛的動態(tài)，再利用with 加名詞（如excitement,pleasure,delight,determination）的復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)來描寫情緒狀態(tài)。所以，結(jié)合考題中的結(jié)構(gòu)和語境可知，設(shè)空處可填 with excitement/eagerness 等。在例1 的“發(fā)光”詞匯的基礎(chǔ)上，例2 的結(jié)構(gòu)加上with 復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)中具體的情緒詞，人物的內(nèi)心活動就被展示得淋漓盡致。

小結(jié)前兩例中的“發(fā)光”詞匯可知，該類詞匯適用于積極正面的語境，如例1 中展示對小狗的喜愛。而例3 將為學(xué)生展示對消極負(fù)面情緒下的眼睛的刻畫。

【例3】(2017 年6 月浙江卷，讀后續(xù)寫) ...As they got closer,they realized that the dog was a wolf.Mac heard a large vehicle behind him.He pulled in front of it as the wolf was catching up fast,just a dozen yards away now.

分析語境可知，這段話并沒有傳遞出對wolf 的喜愛或者期待，所以上例中的詞匯并不是最優(yōu)選擇。筆者也借此提醒學(xué)生，沒有萬能的詞匯，只有合適的語境。這個故事中傳遞出來的“害怕”，將在以下兩個句子中得到體現(xiàn)。

(1) Mac was too terrified to ___________________.

(2) Suddenly,Mac let out a scream of terror with eyes____________.The wolf was almost catching up!

句（1）中的too...to 結(jié)構(gòu)淺顯易懂，根據(jù)語境學(xué)生不難得出答案open his eyes。通過too...to 結(jié)構(gòu)強(qiáng)化其中的情感詞，加上open 這一動作，動靜結(jié)合，使描寫更生動自然。句（2）同上例，筆者運(yùn)用歸納法，展示儲備材料，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生探索亮點(diǎn)詞匯：With my eyes wide open,I’m dreaming.—Patti Page；Counting days with eyes wide open.—Wild Nothing 兩句歌詞都使用了with eyes wide open 這一復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)，使句子更有層次感，通過“瞪大眼睛”來流露出內(nèi)心的感受。

總結(jié)例3 可知，眼睛的閉合之間，也是心靈感受的流露時刻，抓住這個細(xì)節(jié)，有助于突破對角色的刻畫。除了“害怕”而瞪大眼睛，筆者還引導(dǎo)學(xué)生結(jié)合實(shí)際，得出“好奇、驚訝、懷疑”等語境也適用于該句式。

三、模仿名著實(shí)踐操練

（1）（2018 年6 月浙江卷，讀后續(xù)寫）Para 1:Suddenly a little rabbit jumped out in front of my horse.分析語境可知，作者的感受是“喜愛”和“驚訝”。因此，筆者設(shè)計(jì)了以下2 個補(bǔ)全句子的練習(xí)，幫助學(xué)生強(qiáng)化結(jié)構(gòu)運(yùn)用，使其關(guān)注語法細(xì)節(jié)。

I yelled out loud with eyes ___________ (sparkle) with terrific excitement.（答案：sparkling）

I yelled out loud with eyes ___________(open),hoping to catch the rabbit as the reward of my trip.（答案：wide open）

（2）借助名著《秘密花園》中對人物眼睛的描寫，設(shè)計(jì)填空練習(xí)。筆者認(rèn)為，讀寫不分家，教師可以鼓勵學(xué)生嘗試從寫作的角度去刻畫角色，通過與原著進(jìn)行對比，使學(xué)生體會其中的寫作精妙之處。在這一練習(xí)之前，筆者對該小說作簡要的介紹，同時展示主要角色的圖片以增強(qiáng)畫面感，便于學(xué)生了解他們的性格特點(diǎn)和故事線索。以下為原著中的經(jīng)典句子，畫線詞在課堂中被挖空，要求學(xué)生填空，答案可以是開放的，但教師依然要引導(dǎo)學(xué)生體會原句的地道表達(dá)和細(xì)膩刻畫。

①Dickon had stood listening to the lecture,his round eyes shining with curious delight.

round 一詞和下文的curious 相呼應(yīng)，畫面自然生動。

②His eyes twinkled and secretly he was pleased.

twinkled 與下文的secretly 表里結(jié)合，眼里有光，心中竊喜。

③Dickon stopped weeding and sat up on his heels to tell her the story.His eyes were twinkling with fun.

fun 一詞作為補(bǔ)充，緊隨上文的stopped...to tell her the story，故事的趣味已經(jīng)在眼里透露。

④She had large laughing eyes.(Mary’s mother)

結(jié)合圖片及角色介紹，提供關(guān)鍵詞laugh，可讓學(xué)生遷移sparkle 等詞作定語時的詞性變化，推理得出laughing修飾名詞。

⑤ She was a stout（結(jié) 實(shí) 的）woman,with very red cheeks and sharp black eyes.(Mrs.Medlock)

⑥Her eyes had a sharp,curious look.(Mary)

⑦Dickon’s curious blue eyes grew rounder and rounder.

⑤⑥⑦3 個例子均提供故事配圖，讓學(xué)生用最貼切的詞來刻畫眼睛。⑥⑦中均出現(xiàn)了curious 一詞，結(jié)合故事情節(jié)，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生體會故事人物的心理感受，再將人物的心理感受表露到其眼神中。

⑧Color glowed(發(fā)光) in his face and his strange eyes widened with joyfulness.

⑨Colin watched them with widening eyes.

⑧⑨兩個例子是互相推斷的兩個知識點(diǎn)，with 這個結(jié)構(gòu)可以從課堂中的sparkle with 加名詞的表達(dá)中得出。而⑧中的widened 一詞則讓學(xué)生推斷出wide 一詞的形式變化及用法，從而推斷出⑨中的widening，既是考查動詞形式的變化，也是讓學(xué)生體會角色心理變化的動態(tài)過程。用動詞的進(jìn)行時態(tài)來體現(xiàn)時刻變化的情緒情感。

四、作業(yè)設(shè)計(jì)

1.閱讀《秘密花園》第一章的結(jié)尾部分，嘗試分析畫線部分的語義和寫作技巧。

2.嘗試挖掘出其他的寫作技巧，并加以分類整理。

作業(yè)范例：（上文簡介）Mary,a little girl whose parents died of Cholera and now was alone in her big house,wondering what had happened...

原著展示：

Mary was standing in the middle of the nursery when they opened the door a few minutes later.She looked an ugly,cross little thing and was ①frowningbecause she was beginning to be hungry and feel disgracefully neglected.The first man who came in was a large officer she had once seen talking to her father.He looked tired and troubled,but when he saw her he was ②so startled that he almost jumped back.

“Barney!”he cried out.“There is a child here! A child alone! In a place like this! Mercy on us,who is she!”

“I am Mary Lennox,”the little girl said,③drawing herself up stiffly.She thought the man was very rude to call her father’s bungalow “A place like this!”“I fell asleep when everyone had the cholera and I have only just wakened up.Why does nobody come?”

“It is the child no one ever saw!”exclaimed the man,turning to his companions.“She has actually been forgotten!”

“Why was I forgotten?”Mary said,stamping her foot.“Why does nobody come?”

The young man whose name was Barney looked at her very sadly.Mary even thought she saw him ④wink his eyes as if to wink tears away.

“Poor little kid!”he said.“There is nobody left to come.”

畫線部分的語義和寫作技巧分析：

①frown:to make a serious,angry or worried expression by bringing your eyebrows closer together so that lines appear on your forehead 皺眉；蹙額。與上文的cross (annoyed or angry) 呼應(yīng)，通過眉宇之間的描寫來體現(xiàn)她的憤怒。

②startle:to surprise sb.suddenly in a way that slightly shocks or frightens them 使驚嚇。結(jié)合下文的jumped back這一肢體動作來表達(dá)內(nèi)心的驚訝。

③stiffly:in a way that is not friendly or relaxed 不友好地。結(jié)合上文的“drawing herself up”“步步逼近”，及下文的She thought the man was very rude 可知，此處是肢體動作加上心理描寫，來體現(xiàn)人物內(nèi)心的憤怒。

④wink:to close one eye and open it again quickly,especially as a private signal to sb.眨眼。通過這個面部表情描寫表達(dá)他的同情之心。

文段中其他表達(dá)情緒的亮點(diǎn)：

對話描寫，簡潔生動，如：“‘Why was I forgotten?’Mary said,stamping her foot.”“Why does nobody come?”這兩個問句緊扣第一段中She looked an ugly,cross little thing...這一特點(diǎn)，體現(xiàn)她當(dāng)時“不友善”的性格特點(diǎn)。

巧妙使用感嘆句來表達(dá)出官員們發(fā)現(xiàn)Mary 時的驚訝和憐憫之心?！啊瓸arney!’he cried out.”“There is a child here! A child alone! In a place like this! Mercy on us,who is she!”連續(xù)5 個感嘆句，將官員們心中的不可思議表達(dá)得淋漓盡致?！癙oor little kid!”省略句加上最后的感嘆號，將官員們的憐憫之心表達(dá)得恰到好處。