苗媛媛 阿瓊

休·湯森（Sue Townsend， 1946～2014），英國著名女作家，15歲時(shí)開始寫作，但寫了20年依然默默無聞，直到1980年根據(jù)其童年經(jīng)歷寫成的《少年阿莫的秘密日記》（The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 ）公開出版。該書不僅受到讀者的熱烈歡迎，獲得媒體的連篇好評，還迅速被改編成影視作品搬上了大銀幕。此后，《少年阿莫的秘密日記II》《阿莫抓狂記》《阿莫的卡布奇諾年代》等“阿莫”系列作品陸續(xù)出版，湯森的作品也被翻譯成越來越多的語種。

《少年阿莫的秘密日記》是一本純粹的秘密日記，以主人公阿莫（Adrian Mole）的口吻，記錄了一個(gè)十三四歲的男孩眼中的生活點(diǎn)滴。該書被BBC評為“英國最受歡迎的圖書”，被《每日郵報(bào)》評為“年度最有趣味圖書”，被英國第一大連鎖書店水石書店評為“世紀(jì)最受歡迎童書”。

下文選自該書的“春天”部分，講述的是阿莫陪伴獨(dú)居老人伯特·巴克斯特（Bert Baxter）的生活瑣事及阿莫幻想自己有錢后會是怎樣。

Went to school. Found it closed. In my anguish1） I had forgotten that I am on holiday. Didn't want to go home， so went to see Bert Baxter2） instead. He said the social worker had been to see him and had promised to get Sabre3） a new kennel4） but he can't have a home help. （Bert， not Sabre.）

There must have been a full week's washing up in the sink again. Bert says he saves it for me because I make a good job of it. While I washed up I told Bert about my parents getting a divorce. He said he didn't hold with5） divorce. He said he was married for thirty-five miserable years so why should anybody else get away with it？ He told me that he has got four children and none of them come to see him. Two of them are in Australia so they can't be blamed， but I think the other two should be ashamed of themselves. Bert showed me a photograph of his dead wife； it was taken in the days before they had plastic surgery6）. Bert told me that he was a hostler7） when he got married （a hostler is somebody doing things with horses） and didn't really notice that his wife looked like a horse until he left to work on the railways. I asked him if he would like to see a horse again. He said he would， so I took him to see Blossom8）.

It took us ages to get there. Bert walks dead slow and he kept having to sit down on garden walls， but we got there eventually. Bert said that Blossom was not a horse， she was a girl pony. He kept patting her and saying "who's a beauty then， eh？" Then Blossom went for a run about so we sat down on the scrap car， and Bert had Woodbine and I had a Mars bar. Then we walked back to Bert's house. I went to the shops and bought a packet of Vesta chow mein and a butterscotch9） Instant Whip for our dinner， so Bert ate a decent meal for once. We watched Pebble Mill at One， then Bert showed me his old horse brushes and photographs of the big house where he worked when he was a boy. He said he was made into a communist when he was there， but he fell asleep before he could tell me why.

Came home， nobody was in so I played my Abba records at the highest volume until the deaf woman next door banged on the wall.

3月16日，星期一

去了學(xué)校，發(fā)現(xiàn)大門緊閉。因?yàn)樘y過，我都忘了今天放假。不想回家，所以便去看望伯特·巴克斯特。伯特說社會福利工作人員來看過他了，還承諾給軍刀弄一個(gè)新狗窩，但他們沒法給他（伯特，而不是軍刀）提供一個(gè)家庭看護(hù)。

水槽里必然又堆滿了整整一周的臟碗盤。伯特說這是他留給我的，因?yàn)檫@活兒我做得好。我一邊洗碗，一邊把爸爸媽媽要離婚的事告訴了伯特。他說他不支持離婚。他說自己過了35年悲慘的婚姻生活，所以別人又怎么可以逃過這樣的折磨？他告訴我他有四個(gè)孩子，但是沒有一個(gè)來看過他。其中兩個(gè)住在澳大利亞，所以不能怪他們，但我覺得另外兩個(gè)應(yīng)該感到羞愧。伯特給我看了他已故妻子的照片，那是在整容手術(shù)流行之前照的。伯特告訴我他結(jié)婚時(shí)是個(gè)馬夫（馬夫就是照顧馬兒的人），直到他轉(zhuǎn)行去鐵路公司工作時(shí)才真正意識到妻子長得像馬。我問他想不想再去看看馬。他說好，我就帶他去看了小花。

我們花了好長時(shí)間才到那兒。伯特走路慢得要命，時(shí)不時(shí)還得在花園圍墻上坐一會兒，但我們最終還是到那兒了。伯特說小花不是馬，是一只小母駒。他不停地拍著小花說：“誰是小美女啊，嗯？”后來小花去練跑了，我們就坐在那輛廢棄的車上，伯特抽著伍德賓香煙，我吃著瑪氏巧克力。然后我們又走回了伯特家。我去商店買了一包Vesta炒面和黃油硬糖味兒的速食點(diǎn)心當(dāng)晚餐，這樣伯特總算吃了一頓像樣的飯。我們一起看了電視節(jié)目《佩博·米爾一點(diǎn)鐘》，后來伯特給我看了他以前用過的馬刷和他年少時(shí)工作所在的大房子的照片。他說自己在那里時(shí)成了一個(gè)共產(chǎn)主義者，但還沒告訴我原因他就睡著了。

回到家，家里連個(gè)人影都沒有。所以我就放阿巴樂隊(duì)的唱片聽，開到最大聲，直到隔壁那位耳背的太太使勁敲墻我才把音量調(diào)小。

St. Patrick's Day. Bank Holiday in N. Ireland and Rep. of Ireland

Mr. O'leary who lives across the road from us was drunk at ten o'clock in the morning！ He got thrown out of the butcher's10） for singing.

3月17日，星期二

圣帕特里克節(jié)，北愛爾蘭和愛爾蘭共和國的銀行休假日

住在我家馬路對面的奧利里先生早上十點(diǎn)鐘就已經(jīng)喝醉了！他在肉鋪里大聲唱歌，結(jié)果被扔了出來。

1. anguish [???ɡw??] n. 極度痛苦

2. Bert Baxter： 伯特·巴克斯特，一位脾氣古怪的獨(dú)居老人，阿莫在慈心社社團(tuán)被分配照顧他。

3. Sabre： 軍刀，伯特·巴克斯特養(yǎng)的一條阿爾薩斯牧羊犬

4. kennel [?kenl] n. 狗窩

5. hold with： 支持；贊成

6. plastic surgery： 整形外科

7. hostler [?h?sl?（r）] n. 馬夫

8. Blossom： 小花，一匹小母馬，是阿莫暗戀的女孩潘多拉家養(yǎng)的。

9. butterscotch [?b?t?sk?t?] adj. 黃油硬糖味的

10. butcher [?b?t??（r）] n. 肉販；屠夫

My mother and father are both speaking to solicitors11）. I expect they are fighting over who gets custody12） of me. I will be a tug-of-love child， and my picture will be in the newspapers. I hope my spots13） clear up before then.

3月18日，星期三

爸爸媽媽都在跟他們各自的律師談話。我猜他們正為誰擁有我的監(jiān)護(hù)權(quán)吵個(gè)沒完。我會成為“愛的拔河賽”中被爭奪的小孩，搞不好我的照片還會上報(bào)。只希望在那以前我臉上的痘痘能消掉。

Mr. Lucas14） has put his house up for sale. My mother says the asking price is thirty thousand pounds?。?/p>

What will he do with all that money？

My mother says he will buy another bigger house. How stupid can you get？

If I had thirty thousand pounds I would wander the world having experiences.

I wouldn't take any real money with me because I have read that most foreigners are thieves. Instead I would have three thousand pounds' worth of traveler's cheques sewn into my trousers. Before I set off， I would：

a） Send Pandora15） three dozen red roses.

b） Pay a mercenary fifty pounds to duff Barry Kent16） up.

c） Buy the best racing bike in the world and ride it past Nigel's17） house.

d） Order a massive crate18） of expensive dog food so that the dog is properly fed while I'm away.

e） Buy a housekeeper for Bert Baxter.

f） Offer my mother and father a thousand pounds （each） to stay together.

When I came back from the world I would be tall， brown and full of ironical experiences and Pandora would cry into her pillow at night because of the chance she missed to be Mrs. Pandora Mole. I would qualify to be a vet in record time then I would buy a farmhouse. I would convert one room into a study so that I could have somewhere quiet to be intellectual in.

I wouldn't waste thirty thousand pounds on buying a semi-detached house！

3月19日，星期四

盧卡斯先生已經(jīng)把他的房子掛牌售賣了。媽媽說要價(jià)是三萬英鎊??！

他用那么多錢來做什么？

媽媽說他要買座更大的房子。人到底能有多蠢？

要是我有三萬英鎊，我會去環(huán)游世界，體驗(yàn)人生。

不過我不會帶著現(xiàn)金去旅游的，因?yàn)槲以跁献x到過，大部分外國人都是小偷。所以我要把三千英鎊換成旅行支票縫在褲子里。在出發(fā)前，我還要：

a） 送潘多拉三打紅玫瑰。

b） 花50英鎊找個(gè)雇傭兵把巴里·肯特狠狠揍一頓。

c） 買一輛世界上最棒的競賽自行車，然后騎著它經(jīng)過奈杰爾家。

d） 訂購一大箱貴死人的狗糧，這樣我不在的時(shí)候狗狗也能填飽肚子。

e） 給伯特·巴克斯特雇個(gè)管家。

f） 給爸爸媽媽（每人）一千英鎊，讓他們別分開。

環(huán)游世界回來之后，我會變得身材高大，有古銅色的皮膚，有了許多新奇有趣的經(jīng)歷，而潘多拉則會在夜里抱著枕頭痛哭，因?yàn)樗e(cuò)過了成為潘多拉·莫爾夫人的機(jī)會。我會以創(chuàng)紀(jì)錄的時(shí)間取得獸醫(yī)資格，然后買一座農(nóng)場住宅。我要把其中一間屋子改裝成書房，這樣我就可以有個(gè)安靜的地方思考。

我才不會把三萬英鎊浪費(fèi)在一座半獨(dú)立式住宅上！