Emma D.

I’m an old person in a young person’s body. Change exhausts1. exhaust： 使精疲力竭，使耗盡力量。me. I like routine. The simple motions of a school day were always calming to me—the same classes, the same people, the same hours spent in a predictable pattern. I eat dinner at the same time every day and never stay up past 11 p.m.. When I was in school I preferred scheduled, predictable activities like drama club and choir to on-the-fly, anything-can-happen parties.2. 上學(xué)時(shí)，我就更喜歡像戲劇社和合唱團(tuán)那樣需要提前約好的、循規(guī)蹈矩的活動(dòng)，而不喜歡臨時(shí)通知的、什么事情都可能發(fā)生的聚會(huì)。choir： 合唱團(tuán)，合唱隊(duì)；on-the-fly： 臨時(shí)的，沒(méi)有預(yù)先通知的。

When my plans change suddenly, it feels like gears grinding in my brain.3. gear： 齒輪；grind： 摩擦，磨碎。Instead of rolling along with my routine, everything in my head seems to jam while I erase everything I had planned for the day—dinner, homework, television—and replace it with my new plans.4. roll： 運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)，開(kāi)動(dòng)；jam： 軋住，卡住；erase： 擦掉，抹去。It doesn’t matter if the new plan is better than the old—having to quickly rebuild my mental schedule almost physically hurts. My brother once made a last-minute decision to visit our parents (who live five hours away) and gave me an hour’s notice to decide if I wanted to go with him, and I burst into tears. I eventually gave in, which led to a very nice weekend. I like my family, but I need a couple of days to psych myself up5. psych up： 為……做好精神準(zhǔn)備。for such a big change.

前路不論是磨難，還是平坦；境遇不論是凄切，抑或幸福；時(shí)光只管一路向前……所有的煩惱都會(huì)過(guò)去，猶如沙漏之憂，流水之愁。但令人憂傷的是：所有的美好也同樣會(huì)逝去，無(wú)法挽留。

I know that no matter how hard I try, I can’t prevent things from changing. The school year ends, people move, friendships fade. But I get so attached to6. get attached to： 對(duì)……產(chǎn)生依賴。the familiar that even positive changes have been difficult for me to accept. Every new school year or college semester meant exciting new classes, but also the absence of my former classes and classmates, which felt unbearably7. unbearably： 不堪忍受地，難以容忍地。sad. A relative getting married or having a child meant a happy new addition to our family, but also meant that every holiday gathering was now going to be different, so I’d have to mourn the end of an old era and adjust to something new.8. mourn： 哀悼，哀傷；adjust to：調(diào)節(jié)，調(diào)整以適應(yīng)。I even sniffled a little over getting my braces removed (in all fairness, we’d been together for five years).9. sniffle： 抽噎；brace： 牙套，牙齒定位器；in all fairness： 說(shuō)句公道話，平心而論。

I kept the same close friends, a core group of five people,all through middle school and into high school. We called each other’s parents Mom and Dad, spoke entirely in inside jokes10. inside joke： 內(nèi)部笑話，即只有小圈子內(nèi)部才能聽(tīng)得懂的笑話。,and were even writing a series of novels together. After our years of shared memories, I was sure we’d be best friends forever. But during sophomore year, one of the girls in our group suddenly backstabbed another without provocation.11. 但在高二時(shí)，我們這個(gè)小圈子中的一個(gè)女生開(kāi)始毫無(wú)緣由地在背后攻擊另一個(gè)女生。backstab：背后中傷，背后攻擊（某人）；provocation： 惹人惱火的事，被激怒的原因。And just like that,our tight-knit group unraveled.12. tight-knit： 親密的，緊密的；unravel： 拆散，松散。I had no desire to keep the backstabber in my life, but I missed the happiness of our former group, and I mourned the loss of the friend she used to be. Now there was tension and bad feelings even when she wasn’t around,and we all knew that the five of us would never willingly be in the same room together again.

My life had been incredibly stable up until this point, which could possibly help explain my neurosis about change.13. up until this point： 直到這一刻，直到現(xiàn)在；neurosis： 恐懼癥。I’d never experienced real loss, trauma, or drama, and so I’d grown to see any change to the status quo as a threat.14. 我從未經(jīng)歷過(guò)真正的生命逝去、精神創(chuàng)傷或戲劇性事件，因此我已經(jīng)將現(xiàn)狀的改變視為一種威脅。trauma： 精神創(chuàng)傷，心理創(chuàng)傷；drama： 戲劇性場(chǎng)面，戲劇性事件；status quo： 現(xiàn)狀。But now I had a tasteof the truth, and it terrified me. If my longest, closest friendships could be broken, then nothing was safe.There was nothing I could count on.

But this experience is how I learnt that basically,everyone suffers, and the reason for that is that we’re too attached to things, people, outcomes15. outcome： 結(jié)果，結(jié)局。, ideas. I got sad when my friend group splintered16. splinter： 使割裂，扯裂。because I was attached to my friends. I don’t like change because I’m attached to my routines.

One concept that really jumped out at me was the idea of impermanence17. impermanence： 暫時(shí)性，短暫性。. It’s basically like that saying“this too shall pass”: Usually you hear it when you’re going through a rough time—you’re upset over a breakup or a difficult class or an illness, and your grandmother sends you some beautiful card telling you to cheer up, this will pass. And that’s a good thought.The bad things will pass.

But here’s the catch18. catch： 圈套，陷阱。: So will the good things. This is why you’re supposed to let go of your attachments.Because your pain over your breakup will pass, but so will that exciting new-love feeling when you start a new relationship. I was attached to my routine, my day-to-day existence of friends, classes,and family, but that comfortable existence was going to pass, and my not accepting that was responsible for a large portion of my anxiety.

If I wanted to become comfortable with change, I had to learn to live in the moment. I had to accept that life was good right now,but that it was not permanent19. permanent： 永久的，不變的。. When you learn to accept ahead of time that an end will come, the end is less painful.

Now, I still cling to20. cling to： 緊握不放，依靠。routine. But these days I’m better at rolling with change. When my college roommate/best friend left to spend her last semester on an out-of-state internship, while I mourned the end of our life together, I also found myself kind of excited about the new experience of living alone. It turns out it’s kind of lonely. But this too shall pass.