雷霜

讀后續(xù)寫，顧名思義要先讀，然后再寫，那么，在讀的過程中要注意讀什么呢？在寫的過程又要注意哪些呢？本文以2017年11月浙江卷高考題為例，說明“讀”至少要包括五項(xiàng)內(nèi)容，“寫”要注意四點(diǎn)。

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。續(xù)寫的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

A Vacation with My Mother

I had an interesting childhood. It was filled with surprises and amusements， all because of my mother—loving， sweet， yet absent-minded and forgetful. One strange family trip we took when I was eleven tells a lot about her.

My two sets of grandparents lived in Colorado and North Dakota， and my parents decided to spend a few weeks driving to those states and seeing all the sights along the way. As the first day of our trip approached， David， my eight-year-old brother， and I unwillingly said good-bye to all of our friends. Who knew if wed ever see them again？Finally， the moment of our departure arrived， and we loaded suitcases， books， games， camping equipment， and a tent into the car and bravely drove off. We bravely drove off again two hours later after wed returned home to get the purse and travelers checks Mom had forgotten.

David and I were always a little nervous when using gas station bathrooms if Mom was driving while Dad slept：“You stand outside the door and play lookout（放哨）while I go， and Ill stand outside the door and play lookout while you go.”I had terrible pictures in my mind：“Honey， where are the kids？” “What？！Oh， Gosh ... I thought they were being awfully quiet.” We were never actually left behind in a strange city， but we werent about to take any chances.

On the fourth or fifth night， we had trouble finding a hotel with a vacancy. After driving in vain for some time， Mom suddenly got a great idea：Why didnt we find a house with a likely-looking backyard and ask if we could set up tent there？David and I became nervous. To our great relief， Dad turned down the idea. Mom never could understand our objections（反對(duì)）. If a strange family showed up on her front doorstep， Mom would have been delighted. She thinks everyone in the world is as nice as she is. We finally found a vacancy in the next town.

Paragraph 1：The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we brought with us.

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Paragraph 2：We drove through several states and saw lots of sights along the way.

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一、讀懂大意，理清脈絡(luò)

在續(xù)寫前，首先應(yīng)讀懂所給材料，理清故事的主要人物及人物之間的關(guān)系，讀懂主要情節(jié)，理清故事脈絡(luò)。因?yàn)樽x后續(xù)寫不是無視所給短文的獨(dú)立創(chuàng)作，必須要延續(xù)原作者的寫作思路，所以續(xù)寫部分與所給材料要語義銜接、前后連貫。我們可以從標(biāo)題、六要素、語篇結(jié)構(gòu)、情感變化等方面對(duì)前文進(jìn)行解讀，從而幫助我們順利地進(jìn)行續(xù)寫。

1. 讀標(biāo)題

通過標(biāo)題A Vacation with My Mother，可知本文為記敘文，中心人物是媽媽，主要事件為度假。

2. 讀首句

由首句I had an interesting childhood可知，作者有一個(gè)“有趣的”童年，可推知本文是講童年趣事。通讀文本可知，本文講述了“我”和爸爸、媽媽及弟弟一家四口自駕去祖父母和外祖母家旅游，由于媽媽的健忘而發(fā)生的一系列有趣的事情。

3. 讀要素

記敘文有六要素，即為時(shí)間（when）、地點(diǎn)（where）、人物（who）、事件（what）、原因（why）、經(jīng)過及結(jié)局（how）。在讀文章時(shí)，我們需要特別關(guān)注這幾個(gè)關(guān)鍵要素，因?yàn)檫@是我們獲取文章主要內(nèi)容的重要途徑，我們可以利用表格的形式對(duì)這個(gè)故事的六要素進(jìn)行分類，如下圖所示：

4. 讀結(jié)構(gòu)

文章結(jié)構(gòu)是文章部分與部分、部分與整體之間的內(nèi)在聯(lián)系和外部形式的統(tǒng)一，是謀篇布局的手段。任何一篇文章都有其結(jié)構(gòu)特點(diǎn)，我們在讀前文時(shí)，應(yīng)關(guān)注文章結(jié)構(gòu)，這對(duì)我們順利完成續(xù)寫有很大的幫助。通過分析可知，這篇文章的結(jié)構(gòu)模式屬于總分式，如下圖所示：

5. 讀情感變化

語言是作者表達(dá)其情感的有力工具，正所謂“言為心聲”。人物感情的變化往往對(duì)情節(jié)的推動(dòng)發(fā)展起關(guān)鍵作用。當(dāng)讀者抓住了人物情感變化的主線時(shí)，文章的主要情節(jié)就更加清晰明了。

本文中，作者的心情變化可以用以下表格來表示：

二、根據(jù)文本線索， 展開合理續(xù)寫

1. 依據(jù)文章大意，確定寫作內(nèi)容

通讀全文可知，故事的人物是作者一家人，事件為奇怪但卻有趣的旅程，事件發(fā)生的原因就在于作者媽媽的健忘。

第一自然段是文章總起段，首句“I had an interesting childhood”奠定了全文的基調(diào)是積極正面的。告訴我們，作者的童年是有趣的，充滿了驚喜與快樂，都是因?yàn)橛幸粋€(gè)可愛善良但健忘的媽媽。尾句“One strange family trip we took when I was eleven tells a lot about her”是此篇文章的中心句，引出了主要事件family trip。

第二、三、四段分為圍繞媽媽“l(fā)oving， sweet， yet absent-minded and forgetful（善良與健忘）”的性格特征而展開。

第二段，講述了因媽媽忘記錢包和旅行支票全家不得不折返。體現(xiàn)媽媽健忘。

第三段，我和David在加油站洗手間心驚膽戰(zhàn)，唯恐媽媽把我們忘在了加油站。體現(xiàn)媽媽健忘。

第四段，因酒店客滿，媽媽提議找個(gè)院落搭帳篷過夜被我們集體拒絕的事情。體現(xiàn)媽媽善良。

所以續(xù)寫的第五段也應(yīng)該描述一件在旅途中發(fā)生的能體現(xiàn)媽媽性格特征的事件。

續(xù)寫的第六段為結(jié)尾段，記敘的內(nèi)容應(yīng)該是這趟旅行的結(jié)束部分，可以與首段進(jìn)行呼應(yīng)，再次突出旅程的有趣。

2. 依據(jù)關(guān)鍵信息，設(shè)計(jì)故事情節(jié)

續(xù)寫第一自然段的首句為“The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we brought with us”，這句話要引出接下來的續(xù)寫內(nèi)容，需要我們認(rèn)真分析。此句話中的關(guān)鍵詞為tent。在第四自然段中，媽媽已經(jīng)提到了找個(gè)院落搭帳篷過夜，被我們集體否決。在續(xù)寫的這一段中，不可能再次否決使用帳篷，否則故事就不能順利進(jìn)展，所以此段應(yīng)圍繞帳篷展開寫作。為了突出媽媽的健忘，可以把情節(jié)設(shè)置為媽媽又一次把帳篷遺忘在酒店或營地等。

續(xù)寫第二自然段的首句為“We drove through several states and saw lots of sights along the way”，這句話是環(huán)境描寫，襯托作者愉悅的心情，所以在這個(gè)自然段應(yīng)描繪我們一家快樂度假的場景。我們可以通過以下問題來設(shè)計(jì)情節(jié)。

3. 依據(jù)情感變化，烘托故事氣氛

在整個(gè)故事中，作者的情感變化為unwilling—a little nervous—nervous—relieved—happy。在續(xù)寫的后兩個(gè)自然段中，可充分利用這條情感線來烘托故事氣氛，使內(nèi)容更加飽滿。表示心情愉悅及旅途開心的表達(dá)有：

4. 依據(jù)語言特點(diǎn)，選擇恰當(dāng)詞句

為了使續(xù)寫部分能與所給短文在風(fēng)格上接近一致，我們可以從句式結(jié)構(gòu)、語法結(jié)構(gòu)、詞匯選擇和修辭手法上進(jìn)行分析。此篇文章的語言特點(diǎn)如下表所示：

三、優(yōu)秀范文

Paragraph 1

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. But then we were half an hour away from the hotel， where the tent was left behind. Dad recommended buying a new one， while Mom insisted on our going back to fetch it， saying“Forgetful people like me may lose things repeatedly， so its unwise to give up the tent.”Finally， we got back the tent and hit the road again. If Mom hadnt been that absent-minded， it would have saved us the trouble of going back again and again.

Paragraph 2：

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. One day， towards evening， we found a great camping site at the foot of a high mountain. David and I helped Dad put up the tent， and Mom was busy preparing supper. When the setting sun cast an orange light over the mountains， the tent was set up and the meal was ready. Sitting around the camp fire， we talked and laughed. Every time we mentioned the funny incidents of the journey， a pleasant smile would spread over Moms face.

[范文點(diǎn)評(píng)]

此篇續(xù)寫情節(jié)合理。第一段主要講述了媽媽又把嶄新的帳篷遺忘在了酒店，我們不得不再次返回賓館去拿帳篷，再次凸顯了媽媽的健忘。

第二段描寫了我們在高山底下找到了一個(gè)很棒的宿營地，全家人圍坐在營火旁談笑風(fēng)生的幸福場景。

續(xù)寫兩段符合故事發(fā)展邏輯。

在語言層面，靈活運(yùn)用了較多詞塊，使文章生動(dòng)形象，如leave behind，insist on，give up，at the foot of，put up，be busy doing等。高級(jí)句式運(yùn)用嫻熟自然，如where引導(dǎo)的定語從句，if引導(dǎo)的非真實(shí)條件從句，when和every time引導(dǎo)的時(shí)間狀語從句等。

在銜接方面，恰當(dāng)使用了邏輯關(guān)聯(lián)詞，如but，while，so，finally等，使文章銜接自然、層次清晰。

在動(dòng)作描寫上有David and I helped Dad put up the tent， and Mom was busy preparing supper等。

環(huán)境描寫上有When the setting sun cast an orange light over the mountains， the tent was set up and the meal was ready，最后一句為點(diǎn)睛之筆，作者說每次我們提到旅途中的趣事，媽媽臉上都會(huì)洋溢著愉快的笑容，與首段完美呼應(yīng)，且升華了主題。

綜上所述，讀后續(xù)寫要寫好，“五讀四寫”要做到。

責(zé)任編輯 蔣小青