◎何建軍浙江金華第一中學

應用文寫作題型分析及范例點評

◎何建軍浙江金華第一中學

特約主持：趙伐

根據(jù)《普通高等學校招生全國統(tǒng)一考試英語課考試說明》精神，自2016年10月起，包括浙江省在內(nèi)的高考綜合改革試驗省份，都采用了新題型。其中，寫作部分進行了較大的改革。寫作由兩部分組成，其中第一節(jié)為應用文寫作，要求考生根據(jù)所給情景，寫一篇80詞左右的短文。所給情景包括目的、對象、時間、地點、內(nèi)容等；根據(jù)情景的方式有提綱、圖畫、圖標等。

應用文是人們在生活、學習、工作中為處理實際事物而寫作，且往往形成慣用格式的文章。因此，它具有實用性強、真實性強、針對性強、時效性強、格式化比較固定等特點。有不少體式是社會長期約定俗成的，如書信就可以分為感謝信、邀請信、建議信、申請信、自薦信、祝賀信、推薦信、致歉信等；也有一些體式由國家統(tǒng)一規(guī)定，如公文。不論體式如何，都是為了提高辦事效率，更好地發(fā)揮它的工具作用。有了這些宗旨，應用文的語言風格必須做到恰當準確、簡潔規(guī)范、樸實得體。

題型分析

書信是應用文寫作最重要的形式之一，該文體強調(diào)語言在生活、工作中的應用。寫作的要求是：內(nèi)容充實，要點全面；語言基本無誤；行文連貫，表達清楚；語法規(guī)則和句式結(jié)構(gòu)運用得靈活恰當；卷面表達正確，文字流暢，用詞用句實實在在，樸實無華，清晰流暢；具有注重段落連貫、表現(xiàn)短文主旨的交際能力；做到緊扣主題，重點突出，條理清晰；正確拼寫單詞和恰當選擇詞匯。

題目要求

參照2016年10月的高考英語卷，我們設計了如下寫作練習。

假定你是李華，你的朋友Paul邀請你下個星期天去他們學校參加文化交流活動并介紹中國傳統(tǒng)音樂，但是你的爺爺生病住院，不得不謝絕他的邀請。請根據(jù)下面的要點給Paul用英語寫一封詞數(shù)為100左右的回信。

要點如下：

1.謝絕Paul的邀請并說明你的理由；

2.推薦你的同學Anna參加。

注意：

1.可以適當增加細節(jié)，以使行文連貫；

2.信的開頭和結(jié)尾已寫好，但不計入總詞數(shù)。

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation.____________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours,

LiHua

試題要點分析

寫信背景爺爺生病住院，李華無法參加活動人物關系李華，Paul，Anna寫信目的謝絕邀請；推薦Anna問題格式稱呼，正文，結(jié)尾禮詞，簽名

答題難度提示

文體結(jié)構(gòu)內(nèi)容語言書信體，已經(jīng)提供開頭、結(jié)尾和簽名，故格式分數(shù)不予考慮1）謝絕Paul的邀請；2）交代不能參加的原因；3）推薦同學Anna代替自己參加；4）介紹Anna的長處，說明能夠參加的理由文章所用的詞匯貼近學生的實際，內(nèi)容表達具有真實性恰當準確、簡潔規(guī)范、樸實得體

寫作具體要求

（一）內(nèi)容要點

1.謝絕Paul的邀請；

2.交代不能參加的原因；

3.推薦同學Anna代替自己參加；

4.介紹Anna的長處，說明能夠參加的理由。

（二）應用詞匯和語法結(jié)構(gòu)的情況

1.使用與主題相關的詞匯；

2.能夠使用恰當?shù)恼Z法結(jié)構(gòu)。

（三）上下文的連貫性

按照內(nèi)容要點展開寫作，使用恰當?shù)倪B接詞或表達法使文章內(nèi)容連貫。

寫作構(gòu)思

對于這封邀請信的回信，可采用以下步驟來構(gòu)思：

1.直入主題告知寫回信的目的——想?yún)⒓佣荒軈⒓踊顒?.闡述原因照顧生病住院的爺爺3.介紹傳統(tǒng)音樂推薦好友Anna 4.告知Anna強項知識、個性、語言的完美結(jié)合5.再次表明她肯定會一鳴驚人

參考范文

Dear Paul,

Thank you very much for your invitation.I’d love to accept it and take this opportunity to introduce traditional Chinese music to your friends,but I’m sorry to inform you that I won’t be able to make it.M y grandpa is seriously ill in hospital and I should stay with him and look after him.As for the introduction speech,I strongly recommend my friend Anna,who is the most suitable person to take my place next Sunday.She began to learn music at an early age and has a broad know ledge of traditional Chinese music.With her active personality and perfect spoken English,she w ill make your activity a success.

Sorry again for the inconvenience and w ish you great success in the activity.

Yours,

LiHua

習作點評

學生習作1

Dear Paul,

Thank you very much for your invitation.I’m grateful that you remember I’m fond of traditional music and invited me to take part in the cultural communication activity.However,my grandfather was badly ill in hospital and I have to visit him and help look after him next Sunday.I’m sorry I can’t come.

But I think my classmate Anna is able to replace me to join in the activity. She also loves traditional culture and has some understandings on classical Chinese music.Besides,Anna is an active and easy-going girl.You can give her an opportunity to show herself and introduce traditional Chinese music to the students of your school.She w ill not only talk about her points in Chinese culture,but also take some results we discussed at ordinary time.Anna is suitable to take part in the activity.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours,

LiHua

點評1

首先，該生習作覆蓋了所有內(nèi)容要點，文章的銜接與語言表達也比較通順流暢，但是文章的出彩點太少，語言表達太簡單化。綜觀全文，文章的句型以簡單句為主，缺乏句型的多樣性。在詞匯使用上，文章還基本停留在初中層面，缺乏亮點詞。

在文章結(jié)構(gòu)上，考生將文章分成三段：第一段謝絕Paul的邀請，并說明了由于爺爺生病要照顧而不能赴約的理由；第二段推薦同學Anna，羅列了她的一些強項，比較詳細；第三段結(jié)尾部分用禮貌的語言再次致歉和祝愿。

該作文建議給9分。

學生習作2

Dear Paul,

Thank you very much for your invitation.

Having heard the news that your school is hosting a conference about culture next Sunday,my enthusiasm gradually increases.I extraordinarily appreciate your invitation for my speech about traditional music which I’ve been always obsessed in.I’d like to do so and sure w ill I spare no time to do it at other time,this time,however,because of my grandfather’s illness,I can’t make it work,for it’s my responsibility to look after him for his great devotion towards me back in those days.Hear,I’d like to express my sincere sorry about that.

As someone puts,“Once a problem arises,a solution comes behind.”I happened to have a close friend Anna,who is also fond of traditional music and is very tactful with her wonderful spoken English.As a point of mine,you may as well invite her to give the speech.I would send her telephone number to you, if you need.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours,

LiHua

點評2

首先，文章最大的亮點在于高級詞句的使用。如：（一）“Having heard the news that your school is hosting a conference about culture next Sunday, my enthusiasm gradually increases.”該句在句首使用了非謂語動詞，用作原因狀語，該句式就比because引導原因狀語從句更為精彩。（二）高級詞匯的使用體現(xiàn)了詞匯的豐富性，如：extraordinarily；enthusiasm；obsessed；tactful等。（三）句與句之間銜接得非常合乎邏輯，盡管看不到一個關聯(lián)詞。

然而，文章的不足之處也很明顯。如：conference用得不合場景；hear應該改成here等。因而本篇文章定在第五檔，得14分比較合適。

學生習作3

Dear Paul,

Thank you very much for your invitation.I am fond of music,especially graceful and pop music.So,I was really excited when receiving your invitation for the activities of Chinese traditional music.I believe that I will enjoy myself and learn something new if I attend it.But unfortunately,I can’t,for my grandpa is badly ill in hospital,my company is really needed for him now,and I’m worried about him.So I don’t think I will go to your school that day.I’m genuinely sorry for that.

But don’t worry,there is a girl who is a fan of Chinese traditional music, her name is Anna.For her,this activity is like the heaven.Although I can’t join in it in person,I can look through the pictures she takes and listen to her talking about the things and details of the activity.I believe I will enjoy it.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours,

LiHua

點評3

該作文最大的特色就是語言斷句特別得當，特別是第一段；用詞的地道性是該文的第二大特點，比如，“my company is really needed for him now.”中的company使用自然，增添了文章的色彩。然而，最大的句式錯誤也是在該句中。由于主語I與主語company是不同的，因此前后兩句話之間應該加上連詞，可以改成“But unfortunately,I can’t,for my grandpa is badly ill in hospital,so my company is really needed for him now.”。

總體而言，此文在用詞的豐富性上還有所欠缺；某些語言表達偏向口語化。建議給12～13分。

學生習作4

Dear Paul,

Thank you very much for your invitation.It’smy honor to take part in the activity that will be held in your school.I’d like to join in the discussion,which is about culture and traditional music,but I’m sorry I can’t go,for my grandfather has been ill.What a pity!

However,my classmate,Anna,who is fond of traditional culture,w ill be free net Sunday.I told her about your invitation.She was too excited to say a word after hearing that.She expressed that she would appreciate it greatly if you allowed her to come.Therefore,I hope that you can take her into consideration. I’m sure she won’t let you down when it comes to her,I’ll tell you that she has been crazy about everything to do with traditional culture since she was young.As a result,she is good in this way.And at school,she always communicates with others,so she is good at expressing as well.In short,for me, she is the best choice who I can introduce to you.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours,

LiHua

點評4

首先，文章最大的亮點在于句式的多樣性與長句的寫作。在首段，作者恰到好處地使用了“It’s my honor to...”的禮貌句式，并且使用了一句層次豐富的長句：“I’d like to…,which…,but…,for...”。這兩句話在開頭段就先聲奪人，展現(xiàn)出作者扎實的英語表達技能。除了句式，在詞匯上，作者也使用了不少精彩詞匯，例如appreciate,too…to…,let sb down等等。

總體來說，這篇文章是語言精彩、要點完善的一篇佳作。故建議給13分。

學生習作5

Dear Paul,

Thank you very much for your invitation.I’d like to visit your school and attend the culture communicate activity to introduce traditional Chinese music, for I really like your school and want to form a close friendship with you. However,I’m afraid that I cannot come to attend,for my grandpa is ill in hospital so that I am concerned about him and need to take care of him.

There is another choice for you that my friend,Anna,who is also interested in traditional Chinese music,can visit your school for me.She knows well about Chinese culture,I’m sure you can learn a lot about our culture for she’s willing to communicate with you.I hope you’ll have a great time with her.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and I hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours,

LiHua

點評5

該作文在語言豐富性，尤其是句式豐富性方面做得十分突出。在首段中，作者就使用了一句長句：“I’d like to visit your school and attend the culture communicate activity to introduce traditional Chinese music,for I really like your school and want to form a close friendship with you.”該句中，作者巧用連詞for，使句子長度、句子意思豐富度都加強了。在第二段首句中，作者將定語從句和there be句型結(jié)合到一起，構(gòu)成了長句。建議給11分。

學生習作6

Dear Paul,

Thank you very much for your invitation.The activity sounds great.But I’m afraid I can’t attend to.My grandfather is ill and I have to take care of him in the hospital.I’ll stay in the hospital on Sunday,so I have no time to join in your activity.

Even though,you can invite my classmate Anna instead.She is interested in Chinese culture and she is best at Chinese traditional music.I think she will make a wonderful speech about that.Besides,she likes joining in all kinds of clubs and activities.I promise that she will accept your invitation.If you want to invite her,I'll give you her phone numbers.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and I hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours,

LiHua

點評6

該作文的寫信目的一目了然：由于爺爺住院，李華沒有時間去參加活動，而后推薦Anna參加這次活動，并介紹中國傳統(tǒng)音樂。在闡述Anna的時候，談到了Anna對中國傳統(tǒng)音樂有濃厚興趣以及積極參加各類活動，具有實戰(zhàn)經(jīng)驗，基本達到了寫作的目的。語言上attend用法有誤，因為attend的搭配是attend a meeting;attend a conference;attend church;attend school; attend a course;attend a wedding;attend a funeral等；而attend to這個短語的意思是“照顧”，意思不對。建議給12分。

本欄目責任編輯：李益