宋怡秋

哦，中學(xué)校園里，總有一些閃亮的身影。他們看起來很酷，自信滿滿，肆意張揚(yáng)，被一群人前呼后擁，讓人好生羨慕。為了成為這樣的人，我費(fèi)盡心思改變自己，卻被朋友說我太做作，真絕望！不過，做個校園紅人真的那么重要嗎？想方設(shè)法討別人喜歡又是為了什么？與其太過在意別人的評價，變得敏感、不自信，不如回歸自身，充實(shí)自己，恣意地展現(xiàn)自我。那時你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)，其實(shí)那些校園紅人并沒特意做什么，只是在忠實(shí)地做自己而已。

Throughout my entire middle school experience， there was not one day where somebody in my grade wasn't "literally about to cry". This is normal， typical teenager behavior—obsessing， fretting1）， over-analyzing every small detail. What I know now as I'm entering high school is this： 98 percent of what we worried about in middle school never even mattered.

It turns out that whether or not the boy who sat to the right of you in 6th grade science thought you were pretty on a particular Tuesday in January did not change the course of your life. Neither did the girl you liked who never texted you back. Or whether or not you were invited to "that" party a month ago.

But as any middle schooler knows， when you are in the smack2） middle of this angst3）， it's hard to see beyond it. It's hard to see beyond the glossy4） seats of the popular kids' lunch table or the glisten5） in the smile of the person you like. I'm pretty sure I can say that you have pondered the thought of your social standing at some point in your life. I certainly have.

I came to Calhoun （a K-126） progressive school7） in New York City） in 5th grade with a desire for popularity. I thought popularity was the key to happiness. Or at least that's what the TV shows and movies promised for the popular girls with hair that bounced and the nerdy girls who ended up being popular due to some sort of magical makeover.

In my nave 5th grade mind I thought Calhoun was a place where there was no social hierarchy8）， or at least， if there was one， I could be on top of9） it. Like any new girl coming into a grade with people who have known each other their entire lives， I quickly realized I was wrong.

See， the thing is， during our middle school years， teachers and parents repeatedly tell us that if we question the status quo10） and listen to our hearts， we will be our best selves. And while that's true and we all strive to be our best selves， each of us still struggles with wanting to belong.

About a year ago， I sat in the passenger side of my mom's car， ranting11） about either not being well enough liked， not having enough friends or not being good enough （all of which are in the repertoire12） of things my mom has to hear me complain about ... on a daily basis）. It was about halfway through my diatribe13） that she decided to speak up. "I just think you are putting too much on the idea of popular kids."

"I am not，" I spat14） back and that's when she said it： "What do the popular kids have that you don't？"

By this point in the conversation， I had lost all of my ability to debate， so I just sat there in my seat and mumbled15）， "Stuff." What I should have said is that I don't know what the popular kids have that I don't， but it's something. We spend so much of middle school time trying to figure out what makes the "cool kids" cool.

Is it whether they wear Jordans or LeBrons， have straight or curly hair， or listen to indie16） or pop？ So maybe you go on a diet until you see chocolate that wants you. You grow a beard until you realize it looks patchy17）. You stop holding your parents' hand in public. The problem is that none of these things really work. The only thing accomplished by not holding your parents' hands is hurting their feelings. All growing a patchy beard does is make you look young， and all going on a diet does is make you feel fat.

So why do we do it？

Well， it's hard not to when that is the culture that surrounds us. We see it when a select group of mothers get lunch together weekly， or when fathers only shake certain father's hands. We see it in the cliques18） teachers form， but most importantly， we see in each other. It is apparent in every dirty look， hair flip and phony19） smile. We see it at the empty chairs that are miraculously full when we go to sit in them. It is overheard in the whispers about who is hot and who is not. We see it on Instagram when your best friend has more likes than you do.

What we realize now that middle school is over is that if the world depended on whether or not the boy who was sitting to the right of you in your 6th grade science thought you were pretty on a particular Tuesday in January， then maybe the fretting and worrying would be worth it. But the thing is， in the long-run， none of this stuff will matter. Because in 20 years from now， that particular Tuesday will be just one of a hundred Tuesdays where you hoped a boy thought you were pretty. This is why we need to take more from our time in middle school than just a wild goose chase20） of popularity.

Now as I'm about to enter high school， I hope to take with me my math teacher's capability to make math fun， or my science teacher's faith that we could all become scientists if we wanted to.

I want to model my seventh grade English teacher's ability to both see the kindness and draw it out of people and remember my 8th grade English teacher's dedication21） to get children to be aware of all the circles of social responsibility around them. I hope to take my history teacher's way of making history entertaining， enjoyable and educational. I hope to live with my dean's22） passion for change and my principal's belief that every single one of us will succeed as long as we remember to take charge， lead and listen to our hearts. Because in 20 years from now， I hope I won't remember my middle school years by what lunch table I sat at， but will remember it for Wednesday dance parties， the advisor who changed everything and the teachers that inspired me.

In 20 years from now， I hope we will remember Calhoun for every smile or laugh that was shared together， every song that was sung and every time we truly loved a friend.

The truth is， popular kids have a quality about them that is mystifying23）. It's not a pair of sneakers or a certain lip color. It can't be simmered down24） to "21 Ways to Be Popular" or "Popularity in 19 Days". Popularity in its simplest definition is accepting who you are and flaunting25） it. So go out there guys， and flaunt it.

在我整個初中階段，我們年級里每天都會有個同學(xué)“簡直要哭出來了”。這是正常又典型的青少年行為——心事重重，煩躁不安，對每個小細(xì)節(jié)都想得太多。如今我就要升入高中了，到現(xiàn)在我才懂得：初中時讓我們煩惱的那些事當(dāng)中有98%甚至從來就不重要。

事實(shí)證明，六年級科學(xué)課上坐在你右邊的男生在1月的某個星期二是否覺得你漂亮并沒有改變你的人生。還有那個你喜歡她但她卻從不回你短信的女孩，或者一個月前你有沒有獲邀參加“那場”派對，這些都沒有改變你的人生。

但是，正如任何一位初中生都知道的那樣，當(dāng)你恰好身處這些憂慮之中，你很難不會當(dāng)局者迷。你很難不去關(guān)注校園紅人的午餐桌旁那充滿虛榮的座位，或是你喜歡的人那燦爛的笑容。我敢肯定我可以這樣說：你在生活中的某個時刻一定思考過自己在同學(xué)中的地位問題。我當(dāng)然也想過。

五年級時，我抱著成為校園紅人的愿望來到卡爾洪（紐約市一所實(shí)行進(jìn)步教育法的基礎(chǔ)教育學(xué)校）。當(dāng)時，我認(rèn)為人氣高是開啟幸福之門的鑰匙?；蛘咧辽匐娨暪?jié)目和電影就保證那些頭發(fā)富有彈性的人氣女孩以及施以某種神奇化妝術(shù)后人氣大增的書呆子女孩都會幸福。

我五年級時想法幼稚，認(rèn)為卡爾洪是一個沒有社會等級差別的地方，或者至少就算有，我也完全能應(yīng)付。就像一個年級里所有新來的女生一樣，當(dāng)我來到這個其他同學(xué)從小就彼此認(rèn)識的年級時，我很快意識到自己想錯了。

瞧，問題是，在讀初中的那些年，老師和家長一遍又一遍地告訴我們，我們?nèi)绻|(zhì)疑現(xiàn)狀，并聽從自己的內(nèi)心，就能成為最好的自己。雖然這話很對，我們也都在努力去做最好的自己，但我們每個人仍然在對歸屬感的渴望之中掙扎。

大約一年前，我坐在媽媽車?yán)锏母瘪{席上，大喊大叫地說著我不夠討人喜歡啦、我的朋友不夠多啦、我做得還不夠好啦之類的話（媽媽不得不每天聽我抱怨這些）。在我言辭激烈地說到大約一半的時候，她決定表態(tài)了：“我只是覺得你在要當(dāng)校園紅人這件事上花的心思太多了?！?/p>

“我沒有?！蔽乙а狼旋X地反駁道。這時媽媽說了一句話：“那些受歡迎的孩子身上有什么東西是你所不具備的嗎？”

談話至此，我已經(jīng)失去了辯駁的能力，所以就只是坐在座位上咕噥著：“就那些東西唄。”其實(shí)我當(dāng)時本該說的是，我不知道自己比起那些受歡迎的孩子欠缺了什么，但肯定有欠缺。我們在初中時費(fèi)了那么多時間，就是想弄明白那些“酷孩子”到底為什么酷。

這和他們穿喬丹牌球鞋還是勒布朗牌球鞋，留直發(fā)還是卷發(fā)，聽獨(dú)立搖滾還是流行音樂有關(guān)系嗎？那么，或許當(dāng)你也開始節(jié)食的時候，會看到巧克力在向你招手。你蓄起胡須，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)胡子長得稀稀拉拉。在公開場合，你不再拉著父母的手。問題是，這些做法沒有一樣會真正見效。不再拉父母的手所達(dá)到的唯一效果就是讓父母傷心。蓄起一副稀稀拉拉的胡須只會讓你顯得稚嫩。而節(jié)食只會讓你覺得自己很胖。

那么，我們?yōu)槭裁催€要這么做？

嗯，當(dāng)我們置身于這樣的文化中時，我們很難不去這么做。當(dāng)某個特定圈子的媽媽們每周共進(jìn)一次午餐，或是爸爸們只會跟某些爸爸握手時，我們會看到這種文化；從那些拉幫結(jié)派的老師們身上我們也會看到這種文化；但最重要的是，從彼此身上我們也能看到這種文化。它清晰地顯現(xiàn)在每一副輕蔑的表情、每一次甩頭發(fā)的動作和每一個虛偽的笑容里。從原本空著卻在我們想坐下時忽然奇跡般地坐滿了人的椅子上，我們能看到它；從我們無意中聽到別人議論誰熱辣誰不熱辣的低語中，我們能看到它；當(dāng)你的好友在Instagram上獲得的點(diǎn)贊數(shù)比你多時，我們也能看到它。

我們初中畢業(yè)了，因此我們認(rèn)識到，如果這個世界是由六年級的科學(xué)課上坐在你右邊的男生在1月的某個星期二是否覺得你漂亮決定的，那么或許這些煩惱和憂慮也還算值得。但問題是，從長遠(yuǎn)來看，所有這一切都毫不重要。因?yàn)閺默F(xiàn)在開始的20年后，那個星期二將只不過是你希望有個男生覺得你漂亮的100個星期二中的一個。正因如此，比起一味徒勞地追求人氣，我們更需要從初中時光里收獲更多東西。

在即將步入高中校門之際，我希望能夠帶著數(shù)學(xué)老師那讓數(shù)學(xué)變得有趣的能力，或是能帶著科學(xué)老師的那種信念——堅信我們只要想成為科學(xué)家，就都能成為科學(xué)家。

我希望以我七年級的英語老師為榜樣，既能看到別人的善意，又能激發(fā)這種善意。我希望記住我八年級的英語老師如何致力于讓同學(xué)們了解身邊所有的社會責(zé)任圈子。我希望能像歷史老師那樣，讓歷史變得生動有趣，讓學(xué)生樂在其中，且富有教育意義。我希望像教務(wù)長那樣對變革充滿熱情，希望像校長那樣，堅信只要我們記得承擔(dān)責(zé)任、掌握主導(dǎo)權(quán)并傾聽自己的心聲，我們每一個人就都能成功。因?yàn)?0年后，我希望自己不是因?yàn)樽谀膹埐妥琅猿晕绮投涀×酥袑W(xué)時光，而是因?yàn)槟切┲苋_的舞會、那位改變了一切的指導(dǎo)老師以及那些激勵過我的老師們。

20年后，我希望我們會因?yàn)楣餐窒磉^的每一次歡笑、唱過的每一首歌以及和朋友度過的每一個真情時刻而記住卡爾洪。

事實(shí)上，那些校園紅人的身上有一種神秘的特質(zhì)。這跟穿哪個牌子的球鞋和涂什么顏色的唇彩無關(guān)。你沒法把它提煉成“21招讓你受歡迎”或“19天變得有人氣”這樣的東西。所謂受歡迎，最簡單的定義就是接受自己并恣意地展現(xiàn)自我。所以，朋友們，大膽地走出去，恣意地展現(xiàn)自我吧！

1. fret [fret] vi. 苦惱；煩惱；發(fā)愁

2. smack [sm?k] adv. 正好；恰好

3. angst [??st] n. （對時事的）憂慮；疑懼

4. glossy [?ɡl?si] adj. [貶]虛飾的；浮華的

5. glisten [?ɡl?sn] n. 閃光，閃耀

6. K-12： K指kindergarten，12指12年級，K-12指包括幼兒園、小學(xué)到高中在內(nèi)的初等教育和中等教育。

7. progressive school： 進(jìn)步學(xué)校，是美國實(shí)行進(jìn)步教育法的學(xué)校。進(jìn)步教育是從19世紀(jì)晚期開始的一場教育運(yùn)動，主要是針對19世紀(jì)傳統(tǒng)歐美教育提出的，反對校園中存在社會階級。

8. hierarchy [?ha??rɑ?ki] n. 等級制度

9. on top of： 完全掌握；對……駕輕就熟

10. status quo： 請參見P17注釋6

11. rant [r?nt] vi. 大喊大叫

12. repertoire [?rep?twɑ?（r）] n. 保留節(jié)目

13. diatribe [?da??tra?b] n. 抨擊；譴責(zé)

14. spit [sp?t] vi. （咬牙切齒地）憤憤說出

15. mumble [?m?mbl] vt. 咕噥；含糊地低聲說

16. indie [??ndi] n. 獨(dú)立制作的唱片。這里指獨(dú)立搖滾（indie rock），是一種搖滾風(fēng)格，脫胎于20世紀(jì)80年代的地下?lián)u滾和另類音樂，它強(qiáng)調(diào)樂隊(duì)需要不受干擾地按照自己的思想制作音樂，具有極度鮮明的個性特色，因此很少被主流音樂所接受。

17. patchy [?p?t?i] adj. 分布不均衡的；散落的

18. clique [kli?k] n. [貶]派系；小集團(tuán)

19. phony [?f??ni] adj. 虛偽的；做作的

20. wild goose chase： （根據(jù)錯誤信息進(jìn)行的）徒勞尋找，白費(fèi)力氣的追求

21. dedication [?ded??ke??n] n. 獻(xiàn)身（精神）；致力

22. dean [di?n] n. （大學(xué)或?qū)W院的）院長；教務(wù)長

23. mystifying [?m?st?fa???] adj. 神秘的

24. simmer down： 濃縮

25. flaunt [fl??nt] vt. 炫耀；夸耀