楊立軍

題目 20世紀(jì)50年代以來(lái)，動(dòng)物克隆不斷取得進(jìn)展。1996年，克隆羊“多莉”出世，然后野牛、貓、狗等也先后被克隆。動(dòng)物克隆是科學(xué)進(jìn)步的表現(xiàn)，具有很大的醫(yī)學(xué)價(jià)值。但是，克隆動(dòng)物仍有諸多問(wèn)題，因此引起了許多爭(zhēng)議。你本人也對(duì)動(dòng)物克隆有許多擔(dān)心。請(qǐng)根據(jù)所學(xué)知識(shí)，以An article of argument為題寫一篇120字左右的短文陳述自己的觀點(diǎn)。

策劃 我們可以從五個(gè)方面來(lái)著手寫這篇文章。

1. 文體特征：從標(biāo)題An article of argument中可以看出，應(yīng)根據(jù)所學(xué)的克隆知識(shí)寫一篇辯論性短文，即論說(shuō)文。因此，必須做到“先提出觀點(diǎn)，然后逐步論證，最后歸納總結(jié)，有效結(jié)論”。

2. 人稱特征：素材要求寫出“你本人也對(duì)動(dòng)物克隆有許多擔(dān)心”，可能會(huì)用到第一人稱，但是不宜多用，否則會(huì)顯得過(guò)于主觀，應(yīng)以第三人稱為主。

3. 時(shí)態(tài)特征：觀點(diǎn)陳述部分宜用現(xiàn)在時(shí)態(tài)，列舉實(shí)例部分宜用過(guò)去時(shí)態(tài)，而推理部分應(yīng)用將來(lái)時(shí)態(tài)。

4. 寫作重點(diǎn)：題目要求寫出“你本人也對(duì)動(dòng)物克隆有許多擔(dān)心”，所以文章應(yīng)該以陳述“動(dòng)物克隆已經(jīng)帶來(lái)和可能帶來(lái)的問(wèn)題”為主。

5. 亮點(diǎn)策劃：遵循議論文“立論、論證、結(jié)論”的三段式規(guī)律；總論點(diǎn)和分論點(diǎn)均要明確，論證過(guò)程要清晰有序，佐證有力；有目的地選擇克隆現(xiàn)有動(dòng)物、克隆滅絕的動(dòng)物和克隆人三種情況存在的問(wèn)題，使自己的觀點(diǎn)更有說(shuō)服力；用好連詞，使過(guò)渡自然；“動(dòng)物克隆”是一個(gè)科學(xué)話題，注意專業(yè)詞匯和表達(dá)方式的使用，語(yǔ)言不能過(guò)于口語(yǔ)化；因“動(dòng)物克隆”目前還處于探討爭(zhēng)論階段，會(huì)有一些推理陳述，用好虛擬語(yǔ)氣，會(huì)增強(qiáng)表達(dá)效果。

習(xí)作1

With the development of cloning technology， more and more animals have been successfully cloned， which is a sign of high-technology and very beneficial to us human beings， especially to curing terrible diseases.

But each coin has its two sides. As far as I am concerned， there also exist some problems. First of all， cloned animals may get ill and even die easily. That is why Dolly the sheep just lived half as long. Secondly， it is of little use to cloning extinct animals， because there isnt a natural habitat they need. What is worse， there are moral problems because cloning technology may be used to produce human beings. Its really difficult for us to tell the relationship between the cloned persons and the original ones， and some evil leaders may clone themselves to attain their ambitions.

In a word， cloning animals may not only break the balance of nature， but also destroy the harmony of society. Valuable as cloning is， but we must make laws to prevent it from being abused.

亮點(diǎn)

1. 全文分段合理，層次分明，過(guò)渡自然，詳略得當(dāng)；語(yǔ)言流暢，表達(dá)專業(yè)、地道；“立論、論證、結(jié)論”清晰有序，佐證有力；三方面分論點(diǎn)和例證科學(xué)而具有代表性，說(shuō)服力很強(qiáng)。

2. But each coin has its two sides. As far as I am concerned， there also exist some problems. 是一個(gè)很好地過(guò)渡句，既有格言，又恰如其分地使用了兩個(gè)好句型：as far as I am concerned（反映個(gè)人主觀看法），there also exist（體現(xiàn)客觀存在）。

3. 第一段既是背景交代，也客觀體現(xiàn)出克隆動(dòng)物的好處；first of all， secondly， what is worse， in a word貫穿全文，體現(xiàn)出清晰的思路。使用what is worse， 而不用thirdly， 效果更佳，說(shuō)明這是一個(gè)更令人擔(dān)憂的問(wèn)題。

4. 最后一段的總結(jié)很好：we must make laws to prevent it from being abused作為結(jié)束語(yǔ)，層次很高；且prevent it from being abused既是好短語(yǔ)，又能體現(xiàn)作者的結(jié)論是理性和科學(xué)的。

瑕疵

1. it is of little use to cloning extinct animals中，it是形式主語(yǔ)，to cloning應(yīng)改為to clone（不定式短語(yǔ)為真正的主語(yǔ)）。

2. Valuable as cloning is， but we must make laws to prevent it from being abused.句中的but應(yīng)去掉，因?yàn)榍懊媸褂昧薬s（盡管）。

習(xí)作2

Nowadays， animal-cloning has become a hot topic. Opinions are different from person to person. Im afraid that I am object to animal-cloning and my reasons are as follows.

Firstly， animal-cloning is just a reproduction， with the animals bad character copied. That is why Dolly the sheep just lived about six and a half years， half of the length of life of the original one. Secondly， it would be useless to clone any extinct animals if we couldnt provide the natural habitat， which is of essential importance for the cloned animals to live in. Besides， animal-cloning would arouse some moral problems if cloning technology were used to produce human beings， and some evil leaders might clone themselves to do something illegal.

All in all， there remain to be many problems to be solved. We need to develop our legal system to limit animal-cloning， otherwise it might bring us much trouble even great damage.

亮點(diǎn)

1. 全文結(jié)構(gòu)合理，觀點(diǎn)明確，論證有力。

2. 第一段明確亮出自己“不支持克隆動(dòng)物”的觀點(diǎn)，文中的has become a hot topic與opinions are different from person to person呼應(yīng)得較好，也為提出自己的觀點(diǎn)埋下伏筆。但是如能用一句話肯定克隆動(dòng)物的益處，會(huì)顯得更加嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)。

3. 文中恰當(dāng)?shù)厥褂昧颂摂M語(yǔ)氣：如it would be useless to clone any extinct animals if we couldnt provide the natural habitat，又如besides， animal-cloning would arouse some moral problems if cloning technology were used to produce human beings。

瑕疵

1. Im afraid that I am object to animal-cloning and my reasons are as follows. 句中的am應(yīng)去掉，因?yàn)閛bject to是一個(gè)動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)。

2. All in all， there remain to be many problems to be solved. 句中的to be應(yīng)去掉，因?yàn)閠here remain就相當(dāng)于there are。

范文

Since 1950s， more and more animals have been successfully cloned， including frogs， mice， cats and so on. That marks a fast development of science and means serious diseases would be cured. But in my point of view， there are also some problems.

Firstly， animal cloning usually means a dead end and weakens the species. Dolly the sheep was “middle-aged” when she was born because her DNA came from a middle-aged “mother”. Cloning also means less variety of species， so the animals with the same DNA may not be able to resist illness and may die out.

Secondly， it would be useless to clone any extinct animals if there wouldnt be the natural habitat， which is the most important. We cannot clone animals that became extinct 10，000 years ago， let alone clone dinosaurs that disappeared 65，000，000 years ago.

What is worse， animal-cloning would arouse some moral problems if cloning technology were used to produce human beings， and some evil leaders might clone themselves to do something illegal.

All in all， animal-cloning means not only much benefit but also great trouble. We need to develop our legal system to prevent it from being abused.