余素芬

假定你是李華，你的美國(guó)朋友Sarah打算暑期來(lái)北京旅行，來(lái)信詢(xún)問(wèn)前門(mén)大街改建后的情況。請(qǐng)你寫(xiě)封回信，簡(jiǎn)要介紹以下內(nèi)容：

1. 簡(jiǎn)況：長(zhǎng)800余米、600多年歷史、300余家商鋪；

2. 位置：天安門(mén)廣場(chǎng)南面；

3. 交通：公共汽車(chē)17、69、59等路，地鐵2號(hào)線；

4. 特色：步行街、當(dāng)當(dāng)車(chē)、茶館、劇院等。

參考詞匯：

步行街pedestrian street

當(dāng)當(dāng)車(chē)trolley car

地鐵 subway

注意：

1. 詞數(shù)100左右，開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫(xiě)好；

2. 可以適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

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Yours,

Li Hua

寫(xiě)作的要求是介紹一個(gè)地點(diǎn)，這與我們的日常生活緊密相連，所以能讓我們“學(xué)以致用”。另一方面，題目只給了粗略的介紹，我們不能僅僅簡(jiǎn)單地翻譯那幾句話，這樣字?jǐn)?shù)達(dá)不到要求，行文也不流暢。概括起來(lái)，本文的寫(xiě)作要點(diǎn)有：簡(jiǎn)要敘述前門(mén)大街的歷史、長(zhǎng)度、位置以及商鋪；陳述到前門(mén)大街的交通方式；點(diǎn)出前門(mén)大街的特色。

【習(xí)作1】

_{Dear Sarah,}

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Qianmen Street has over 600 years history①. This is a-800-metre street and has over 300 shops. Qianmen Street lies to the south of Tiananmen. Nearby have public bus about 17,69,59 routes and No.2 Subway.

And else, Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street, there are trolley cars can ride you to hang out and there are many teahouses and theatres can offer you rest place or other interesting②.

I believe you will like Qianmen Street, a wonderful place!

Yours,

Li Hua

【點(diǎn)評(píng)】

該習(xí)作有很多句子可以加以改進(jìn)：

Qianmen Street has over 600 years history為中式英語(yǔ)，可改寫(xiě)為：Qianmen Street has a long history of over 600 years. 這樣的句子才是地道的英語(yǔ)。

And else, Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street,_{there are trolley car can ride you to hang out and there are many teahouses and theatres can offer you rest place or other interesting。}此句不僅句子結(jié)構(gòu)不對(duì)，而且在詞匯的用法上還有錯(cuò)誤：波浪線部分的there be句型中除了be動(dòng)詞外，還使用了謂語(yǔ)can ride和can offer，這是個(gè)明顯的錯(cuò)誤。而且，ride的用法也是錯(cuò)誤的，應(yīng)該是ride sth而不是ride sb。改進(jìn)后的句子是：Whats more, Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street, where you can take trolley cars to hang around. And many theatres and teahouses of old traditional Beijing characteristic can bring you a lot of fun.

除此之外，還有一些錯(cuò)誤：800米街道應(yīng)該是an 800-metre street；Nearby have public bus about 17,69,59 routes and No.2 Subway，此句完全錯(cuò)誤，nearby不能作主語(yǔ)，正確的說(shuō)法應(yīng)該是：Nearby are buses No.17,69,59 and the No.2 subway.

總觀全文，這篇文章不算是一篇好的習(xí)作。

【習(xí)作2】

_{Dear Sarah,}

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Its a famous street of over 600 years old①. The 800-metre street is located to the north of Tiananmen Square②. And along the street, there are more than 300 shops. In addition, the transportation there is really convenient. You can take the No.17,69 or 59 buses to Qianmen Street. There is also a station where the No.2 subway will stop.

By the way, to your interest, there are also many places and things with old Beijing characteristics, such as the trolley cars, teahouses and theatres. Of course, you can buy some souvenirs when you hang about at the pedestrian street. Im sure that youll like this place. At last, hope you have a good time.

Yours,

Li Hua

【點(diǎn)評(píng)】

這篇習(xí)作就是篇佳作，有很多亮點(diǎn)。

習(xí)作使用了說(shuō)明層次的過(guò)渡詞或短語(yǔ)：in addition, by the way, of course這讓文章行文連貫，層次清晰。

亮點(diǎn)句子：The 800-metre street is located to the north of Tiananmen Square; By the way, to your interest, there are also many places and things with old Beijing characteristics, such as the trolley cars, teahouses and theatres.

而且，該習(xí)作也按照常規(guī)思維適當(dāng)增加了細(xì)節(jié)：Of course, you can buy some souvenirs when you hang about at the pedestrian street. 不過(guò)還是有些瑕疵：①處中的old 應(yīng)去掉；②處中的north應(yīng)該是south。

較之上篇習(xí)作，該習(xí)作不失為一篇佳作。

【范文】

_{Dear Sarah,}

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Qianmen Street is a famous street of over 600 years. Along this 800-metre street, there are more than 300 shops. As the street is in the center of Beijing, just to the south of Tiananmen Square, its very convenient to get there by bus. You may take Buses No.17, 69 or 59. Subway Line2 has a stop there too. Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street, but there are trolley cars to take you not only to the shops, but also to theaters and teahouses where you can experience a truly Chinese way of life. Im sure youll like it.

Yours,

Li Hua