To forgive may be divine, but no one ever said it was easy. When someone has deeply hurt you, it can be extremely difficult to let go of your grudge. But forgiveness is possible, and it can be surprisingly beneficial to your physical and mental health.

"People who forgiveshow less depression, anger and stress and more hopefulness," says Frederic, Ph. D., author of Forgive for Good, "So it can help save on the wear and tear on our organs, reduce the wearing out of the immune system and allow people to feel more vital."

So how do you start the healing? Try the following steps:

Calm yourselfTo defuse your anger, try a simple stress-management technique. "Take a couple of breaths and think of something that gives you pleasure: a beautiful scene in nature, or someone you love." Frederic says.

Don't wait for an apology "Many times the person who hurt you has no intention of apologizing," Frederic says, "they may have wanted to hurt you or they just don't see things the same way. So if you wait for people to apologize, you could be waiting an awfully long time." Keep in mind that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who upset you or condoning of his or her action.

Take the control away from your offender Mentally replaying your hurt gives power to the person who caused you pain. "Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you," Frederic says.

Try to see things from the other person's perspective If you empathize with that person, you may realize that he or she was acting out of ignorance, fear, even love. To gain perspective, you may want to write a letter to yourself from your offender's point of view.

Recognize the benefits of forgivenessResearch has shown that people who forgive report more energy, better appetite and better sleep patterns.

Don't forget to forgive yourself"For some people, forgiving themselves is the biggest challenge," Frederic says, "but it can rob you of your self-confidence if you don't do it."

寬恕或許是神圣的，但是，沒有人認(rèn)為寬恕是件容易的事。有人深深傷害你時，你很難做到不記恨心頭。然而，如果心存寬恕，這點(diǎn)就不難做到，它會為你的身心健康帶來意想不到的益處。

《寬恕的好處》一書的作者弗雷德里克博士說：“懷有寬仁之心的人很少會沮喪、憤怒和壓抑，他們更易滿懷希望。由此看來，寬恕可以減少我們的疲憊和悲傷，減輕免疫系統(tǒng)的疲勞，使人們更有活力?！?/p>

那么，如何調(diào)整自己呢？試試下面的方法吧：

使自己冷靜下來試著以一種簡單的壓力管理方法來澆滅你的憤怒，聽聽弗雷德里克的建議吧——“做幾次深呼吸，想一想能給你帶來快樂的事物：自然界的美麗景色，或者是你深愛的人。”

不要期盼道歉弗雷德里克說：“很多時候，傷害你的人是不會向你道歉的。他們可能是有意傷害你，或者，看待問題的角度與你截然相反。倘若你期盼他們的道歉，你會等待很長時間?！币涀?，寬恕并不一定是與傷害你的人和好如初或原諒他(她)的行為。

將注意力從傷害你的人身上移開總是想著自己的傷痛只會讓自己更加痛苦。弗雷德里克說：“你不應(yīng)關(guān)注自己受傷的情緒，而應(yīng)學(xué)會去尋找周圍的愛、善、美?！?/p>

試著從別人的角度來考慮問題如果你站在他(她)的角度，就會明白，他 (她)那么做是出于無知、害怕，甚至是愛。換個角度，你可能想從傷害你的人的角度出發(fā)，給自己寫一封信。

認(rèn)識寬恕的好處研究表明，懷有寬恕之心的人精力更充沛，胃口和睡眠更好。

不要忘記寬恕你自己弗雷德里克說：“對有些人來說，寬恕自己是最大的挑戰(zhàn)。如果不寬恕自己，自信心便會受到打擊。”