安徽 張 嵐

【問題導讀】

好的開頭是文章成功的一半，續(xù)寫部分的開頭是閱卷人最先入目的部分。獲取閱卷人良好的第一印象非常重要，那么，在續(xù)寫故事的時候，我們應當怎樣寫好開頭，讓文章更出彩呢？

【名師導學】

1.歷年高考讀后續(xù)寫給出的都是兩個段落，且段首句均已給出，故我們所說的文章開篇指的是緊接各段首句的部分。

2.續(xù)寫部分的開篇受所給段首句、故事情節(jié)、原文語言風格的制約。開篇要與所給段首句保持連貫，要有利于促進故事主題的升華，并盡可能符合原文的敘事風格和邏輯。

3.文章的開篇既要追求表達方式的精彩與獨到，同時又要避免語法硬傷，否則會影響閱卷人對續(xù)寫部分語言質量的評價。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事，續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150左右。

Pumpkin(南瓜)carving at Halloween is a family tradition.We visit a local farm every October. In the pumpkin field, I compete with my three brothers and sister to seek out the biggest pumpkin.My dad has a rule that we have to carry our pumpkins back home,and as the eldest child I have an advantage—I carried an 85-pounder back last year.

This year, it was hard to tell whether my prize or the one chosen by my 14-year-old brother, Jason, was the winner. Unfortunately, we forgot to weigh them before taking out their insides, but I was determined to prove my point. All of us were hard at work at the kitchen table,with my mom filming the annual event.I'm unsure now why I thought forcing my head inside the pumpkin would settle the matter,but it seemed to make perfect sense at the time.

With the pumpkin resting on the table, hole uppermost, I bent over and pressed my head against the opening. At first I got jammed just above my eyes and then, as I went on with my task, unwilling to quit, my nose briefly prevented entry. Finally I managed to put my whole head into it,like a cork (軟木塞) forced into a bottle.I was able to straighten up with the huge pumpkin resting on my shoulders.

My excitement was short-lived. The pumpkin was heavy.“I'm going to set it down,now,”I said,and with Jason helping to support its weight,I bent back over the table to give it somewhere to rest. It was only when I tried to remove my head that I realized getting out was going to be less straightforward than getting in.When I pulled hard,my nose got in the way.I got into a panic as I pressed firmly against the table and moved my head around trying to find the right angle,but it was no use.“I can't get it out!”I shouted,my voice sounding unnaturally loud in the enclosed space.

Paragraph 1:

I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer.______________________

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Paragraph 2:

The video was posted the day before Halloween.________________________________

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一、故事梳理

浙江省2021年1月的英語高考卷中的讀后續(xù)寫敘述的是萬圣節(jié)時作者與兄弟姐妹們比拼誰能摘得最大的南瓜的故事。為了證明自己的南瓜是最大的，作者把頭伸進了南瓜里，不料被南瓜卡住，在家人的幫助下，作者最終把頭從南瓜里移了出來。

點題指向情節(jié)主題In the pumpkin field, I compete with my three brothers and sister to seek out the biggest________pumpkin.?Time:this year at Halloween?Place:at the kitchen table?Characters:my dad,my mom,my 14-year-old brother Jason,I________?Setting:Pumpkin carving at Halloween is a family tradition.?Beginning:We sought out pumpkins without weighing them before taking out their insides.?Development:I forced my head inside the pumpkin to settle the matter.?Climax:My head was stuck in the pumpkin.?Resolution:My head got out of the pumpkin with the help of my parents.________?Evaluation:Think twice before y______________________________________________ou_leap.A Halloween story with my family

二、常用招式

妙招1：使用形容詞或副詞開頭

英語中的形容詞或副詞分類多樣，有的可以表達開心和快樂，有的可以表達失望與沮喪，有的可以表達緊張與害怕，有的則可以表達放松與勇敢。巧妙地使用這些形容詞或副詞，既可以讓人物的描寫更加生動形象，也可以讓情節(jié)的渲染更加扣人心弦，從而增強故事的張力。

續(xù)寫第一段的段首句是“I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer.”。通過該句，我們可以推斷出“我”的頭被卡住后的心情一定是緊張且害怕的。因此，我們可以用“Frightened, nervous, and at a loss what to do, I immediately began to shout for help.”開頭來續(xù)寫下去。這里使用了表示情緒的形容詞frightened 和nervous，并使用了副詞immediately，生動形象地描述了“我”當時的心情。

妙招2：使用非謂語動詞開頭

非謂語動詞包括現(xiàn)在分詞、過去分詞、動詞不定式和動名詞。非謂語動詞可以表示原因、條件、伴隨、結果等情況，既可以使敘述更加生動，又可以改變語言的節(jié)奏，從而使表達方式更加豐富多樣。

第一段的續(xù)寫除了使用形容詞和副詞開頭，我們還可以用“Beating the pumpkin as hard as I could, I was anxious whether there was anyone who could come to help.”開頭來續(xù)寫下去。這里的非謂語動詞短語Beating the pumpkin as hard as I could 很好地表現(xiàn)了“我”的焦慮和驚慌失措。

妙招3：使用細節(jié)描寫開頭

敘述性的語言會使得故事的敘述較為平淡。細節(jié)描寫就是作者通過具體的形象化的語言寫人、狀物，把客觀對象寫得有聲、有色、有味、有形，使人有身臨其境、如睹其人、如聞其聲、如嗅其味、如見其色、如歷其事的感覺。在續(xù)寫時，我們可以多使用人物描寫和環(huán)境描寫，以增強表達效果。人物描寫包括語言描寫、動作描寫、肖像描寫以及心理描寫等。環(huán)境描寫則包括自然環(huán)境描寫和社會環(huán)境描寫。

續(xù)寫部分的第一段，我們可以用環(huán)境描寫開頭，如“It was totally dark inside the pumpkin and it was dead silent around me except my cry for help.Nobody heard me！”。本句寫了南瓜里的黑暗和周圍環(huán)境的沉寂。環(huán)境描寫使讀者獲得了身臨其境的感覺。

續(xù)寫部分的第二段，我們則可以用心理描寫開頭，如“Seeing the funny video of my getting stuck in the pumpkin, I was so embarrassed that I hoped that I could be a little mouse so that I could hide in a dark hole where no one could find me.”。本句使用embarrassed 一詞進行心理描寫，兼用了現(xiàn)在分詞和比喻的手法來展開續(xù)寫，生動地表現(xiàn)了“我”看到視頻后十分尷尬的心情。

妙招4：使用修辭手法開頭

英語中的修辭多種多樣，常見的修辭包括比喻、擬人、夸張、典故、雙關、仿擬、設問、反諷、排比、反復等。使用修辭手法，可以讓文章文采斐然，增強可讀性。

續(xù)寫第一段的段首句為“I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer.”，寫出了“我”被卡住后的無奈、沮喪和焦慮。我們可以用“The pumpkin became a tight hoop spell around my neck.”開頭，把卡住“我”的頭的南瓜比喻成a tight hoop spell around my neck，這既生動形象，又令人忍俊不禁。

續(xù)寫第二段的段首句為“The video was posted the day before Halloween.”，我們依然可用比喻的手法進行續(xù)寫，如“It turned a overwhelming advertisement for someone hoping to become well known rather than me.”。本句將發(fā)布在網(wǎng)上的被南瓜卡住頭的視頻比喻成瘋傳的廣告，生動表現(xiàn)了該視頻傳播的速度。

妙招5：使用擬聲手法開頭

擬聲本是音韻上的一種修辭格。英語中的擬聲就是對客觀世界里的聲音的模擬。這種修辭的運用能真實地表現(xiàn)事物的特點，渲染氣氛，使人如聞其聲、如見其人、如臨其境。高考讀后續(xù)寫的語篇多與生活聯(lián)系緊密，尤其是涉及“脫險”話題的語篇較多。在這些文章中，人物的行為常常伴隨著一些聲音，這使得擬聲手法有了更多的用武之地。我們在寫作時可以嘗試更多地使用擬聲手法續(xù)寫故事，從而增強表達效果。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的段首句，我們可以提出以下問題：當“我”的頭被卡住且“我”的呼救聲無法被別人聽到時，“我”該如何傳遞求救信息呢？這時，用手拍南瓜使其發(fā)出聲音或許就是最好的求救信號。于是我們可以用“Bang！Bang！Bang！I beat the pumpkin as hard as possible.”來描寫當時的情景，這里連續(xù)使用擬聲詞bang，刻畫了“我”當時急于得到幫助的舉動，從而使讀者獲得聽覺上的刺激。續(xù)寫第二段中，我們則可以用“Seeing the funny video of my head getting stuck in the pumpkin, I desperately fought the urge to giggle.It was too funny and embarrassing！”開頭。句中的giggle 一詞意為“咯咯地笑”，它的使用使得文章妙趣橫生。

英語中的擬聲詞可以描繪飛禽走獸的聲音，可以描繪大自然的聲音，也可以描繪物體碰撞的聲音。我們將常用的一些擬聲詞歸納如下：

1.描繪動物的聲音的擬聲詞

禽類

Chickens cheep.小雞嘰嘰叫。

Cocks crow.雄雞喔喔啼。

Hens cackle.母雞咯咯叫。

Turkeys gobble.火雞咯咯叫。

Ducks quack.鴨子呱呱叫。

Geese gaggle.鵝嘎嘎叫。

Doves coo.鴿子咕咕叫。

Parrots squawk.鸚鵡咯咯呱呱叫。

Magpies chatter.喜鵲喳喳叫。

Sparrows twitter.麻雀喳喳叫。

Cuckoos cuckoo.杜鵑聲聲啼。

Swallows chirp.燕子啁啾。

走獸

Dogs bark.犬吠。

Pigs grunt.豬哼哼。

Asses bray.驢子嘶叫。

Lions roar.獅子吼。

Horses neigh.馬嘶鳴。

Bulls bellow.公牛吼叫。

Cows moo.母牛哞哞叫。

Cats meow.貓喵喵叫。

Sheep bleat.羊咩咩叫。

Wolves howl.狼嚎。

Mice squeak.老鼠吱吱叫。

Tigers growl/roar.老虎咆哮。

Elephants trumpet.大象吼叫。

昆蟲

Bees hum.蜜蜂嗡嗡響。

Crickets chirp.蟋蟀唧唧叫。

Mosquitoes buzz.蚊子嗡嗡叫。

Flies drone.蒼蠅嗡嗡嗡。

Frogs croak.青蛙呱呱叫。

2.描繪大自然的聲音的擬聲詞

The north wind is whistling.北風呼嘯著。

The breeze murmurs in the pines.微風里松樹沙沙作響。

A gentle wind is whispering.微風習習。

The thunder is rumbling.雷聲隆隆。

The rain was lashing(against)the window.雨擊打著窗戶。

The stream is murmuring/bubbling.小溪潺潺流水。

Waves are gently lapping against the shore.海浪輕輕拍打著海岸。

The brook babbles/murmurs.流水淙淙。

The strong wind whirls.強風颼颼。

3.描繪物體碰撞的聲音的擬聲詞

clang：利器的鏗鏘聲，使人感覺置身于刀光劍影中。

crack：可聯(lián)想噼啪噼啪的房屋倒塌聲。

jingle：清脆悅耳的鈴鐺聲，仿佛可看到輕便馬車從身邊駛過。

There came the ticktack of high heels in the corridor.走廊里傳來高跟鞋的篤篤聲。

The drunken driver drove bang into the store window. 醉醺醺的司機開車砰一聲撞進了商店的櫥窗。

And then the party drove off and vanished in the night shades, and Yeobrigh entered the house. The ticking of the clock was the only sound that greeted him, for not a soul remained.于是這些人驅車離開，在夜色中消失了。姚布賴特走進房間，迎接他的只有滴答的鐘聲，因為沒有一個人留下。

I wish people wouldn't rustle their programs while the orchestra is playing.我希望管弦樂隊演奏時人們不要翻動節(jié)目單弄出沙沙聲。

寫好續(xù)寫開篇的方式多種多樣，同學們只有在平時的寫作中多嘗試、多總結才能不斷提升寫作水平，讓自己的作品從一開始就吸引閱卷人，出奇制勝，從而取得滿意的成績。

【參考范文】

I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. The pumpkin became a tight hoop spell around my neck. Bang! Bang! Bang! I beat the pumpkin as hard as possible,hoping someone could come to help.Luckily enough,Dad heard me.Laying my head on the table, he carefully cut the pumpkin with a knife in half. I kept still with my eyes closed tightly.Nothing could be heard except the knife rustled in the pumpkin.Meanwhile,my mom filmed the whole process where I managed to get my head out of the hoop spell with the help of my dad,which was recorded as a short video.

The video was posted the day before Halloween.Seeing the funny video of my head getting stuck in the pumpkin,I desperately fought the urge to giggle.It was too funny and embarrassing! Never did I expect that I, along with my dad, my mom and Jason could become an online sensation in such a funny way. I reminded that whatever I would do after that, I must think twice before I leap in case that I get stuck in another tight hoop spell which apparently seemed to be intriguing.

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。

My best friend Lisa and I carefully wrote our words with a No.2 pencil.We took turns to write down the sentences.“Dear Miss Hanley,”we wrote,“you like Kathleen better than you like us.That isn't fair.”Miss Hanley was our fourth-grade teacher.She was in her 20s,with short dark, curly hair and lively grey eyes. It was her first-year teaching in our public school in the northeast Bronx.

“You're a very talented writer,”Miss Hanley often told me. This excited me. A few weeks into this school year,Lisa and I co-authored a play based on our favorite novel,Little Women. And we performed the play in front of the class. When the curtain came down, the applause from the students was light. But Miss Hanley clapped strongly, saying,“Great!Great!”Lisa and I ignored the other kids,and were high on her praise for days.

I didn't envy Lisa's relationship with Miss Hanley. Sharing Miss Hanley was a bond between us.In Miss Hanley's class,we behaved ourselves,although we couldn't help comparing ourselves with Kathleen, whose demeanor (風度) and dress were perfect. Kathleen lived in her family's big house with a beautiful garden. Lisa and I lived in small apartments.Her eyes were as huge as those of most film stars.She spoke softly and politely.Her hair was waved, clean and tidy. My hair was loose and wild. Lisa and I wore clothes that didn't always match. I sometimes wore my sister's hand-me-downs. Kathleen did best in her studies and,of course,Miss Hanley liked her.The funny thing is that I didn't like Kathleen and neither did Lisa.In fact,we didn't know why.

Lisa and I continued writing our note to Miss Hanley,“You call on Kathleen more than you call on us. You like her because she is a goody-goody（善于討好賣乖的人）.That's not fair!Just that we are not goody-goodies does not mean you should like us less.”

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:My heart was pounding as we left the note before class on Miss Hanley's desk._________

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Paragraph 2:

At three o'clock,Miss Hanley asked us to stay after class for a few minutes.___________

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【評價導思】

1.我在續(xù)寫開篇時，考慮到了哪些限制性因素？我的續(xù)寫文章在情節(jié)、語言及邏輯方面是否與故事原文完美契合？

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2.我采用了什么樣的方式續(xù)寫開篇的部分？我的方式是否能吸引閱卷人？

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3.我還需要掌握哪些寫好續(xù)寫開篇的方式，以進一步提升續(xù)寫的水平？

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