劉士聰
譯例1:
【背景】是年七夕,蕓設(shè)香燭瓜果,同拜天孫于我取軒中。
【原文】是夜,月色頗佳,俯視河中,波光如練,輕羅小扇,并坐水窗,仰見飛云過天,變態(tài)萬狀。(第一卷)
【譯文】Brilliant moonlight had silvered the quiet garden as I watched the shining satin ripples of the stream. The night was very hot. We were sitting before the water window, dressed in light silk gowns, fanning ourselves languidly with little gauze fans, looking first at the water below us, then at the ever-changing shapes of the scudding clouds in the skies overhead. (p. 17)
【簡評】譯者布萊克不是逐字逐句譯,她的譯文里常見編輯和創(chuàng)作痕跡。敘述順序時有變化,根據(jù)上下文或因英語行文需要,偶爾有補充文字。這種處理,從譯文讀者角度看,有必要。
“……俯視河中,波光如練”,譯作“...as I watched the shining satin ripples of the stream”,河面如光亮的綢緞在飄動,將“如練”譯成動態(tài)景象,一個非常好的譯句。
譯例2:
【背景】七月望,俗謂之鬼節(jié),蕓備小酌,擬邀月暢飲。夜忽陰云如晦,蕓愀然曰:“妾能與君白頭偕老,月輪當出?!?/p>
【原文】余亦索然。但見隔岸螢光,明滅萬點,梳織于柳堤蓼渚間。(第一卷)
【譯文】? I, too, felt depressed and apprehensive, looking across the water to the darkness of the opposite shore, where will-o-the-wisps, shining in the blackness like thousands of tiny, bright lanterns, wove in and out among the tangled willows. (p. 21)
【簡評】這段原文運用詩一般的語言創(chuàng)造了詩一般的意境。仔細閱讀譯文,也同樣具有詩一般的氣質(zhì),簡單的用詞,自然的搭配,緊湊的銜接,漂亮的組織。譯者運用英語創(chuàng)造了一個神秘莫測的夜景,也讓我們認識到,英語和漢語一樣,具有神奇的表現(xiàn)力。
“……隔岸螢光,明滅萬點”,譯作“where will-o-the-wisps, shining in the blackness like thousands of tiny, bright lanterns”,“梳織于柳堤蓼渚間”,譯作“wove in and out among the tangled willows”。整個句子編織嚴密,如英國作家毛姆(W. Somerset Maugham)所說,看著好看, 讀著好聽(good to look at and good to listen to)。
另外,這里將“螢光”譯作“will-o-the-wisps”(鬼火),也許因為是鬼節(jié),“夜忽陰云如晦,蕓愀然”,“余亦索然”,為了結(jié)合上下文創(chuàng)造一種神秘氣氛,譯者可能有意這樣譯。
譯例3:
【原文】余與蕓聯(lián)句以遣悶懷,而兩韻之后,逾聯(lián)逾縱,想入非夷,隨口亂道。(第一卷)
【譯文】 To dispel our fears and depression we began composing poetry, one of us starting a verse, the other finishing it; each composing a couplet in turn. Rhyming back and forth, we began to let our imagination run wild; indulging our most foolish fancies until we found ourselves laughing hysterically at the most ridiculous nonsense verses. (p. 21)
【簡評】譯者將“悶懷”譯作our fears and depression,不是看字面譯,而是依據(jù)上下文的實際情況,這個譯法好?!坝饴?lián)逾縱,想入非夷,隨口亂道”,其中的“縱”(let our imagination run wild)、“非夷”(indulging our most foolish fancies)和“亂道”(the most ridiculous nonsense verses)都斟酌得很好,意思表達得很充分。
譯例4:
【背景】過石橋,進門折東,曲徑而入。疊石成山,林木蔥翠,亭在土山之巔。
【原文】循級至亭心,周望極目可數(shù)里,炊煙四起,晚霞燦然。(第一卷)
【譯文】 From this elevation, as far as the eye could see, the land fell away to the horizon in every direction. Smoke was rising from the cooking fires of the houses far below, curling upward against a background of brilliantly-coloured sunset clouds. (p. 23)
【簡評】這幾個短句處理得好,是譯,也是創(chuàng)作。譯者沒有拘泥原文形式,而是想象了鄉(xiāng)村傍晚的景象,用英語描畫了一幅生動、漂亮的田園風景。
譯者為譯好《浮生六記》,遵循自己提出的三條努力方向,在運用今日英語表達漢語文言文方面下了功夫。其譯文不追求字面上和句式上的忠實,而盡量在語義深層和審美層面上與原文保持一致。在布萊克看來,這似乎更為重要,在我們讀來,也感覺這種譯法的審美效果是好的。
當然,其他的文學作品未必都可以采取這種譯法,別的譯家也未必都贊成這樣譯。但她在翻譯中所遵循的幾條原則,她所探索的翻譯途徑,對文學作品的英譯有啟發(fā),有參考價值。