湖南

讀后續(xù)寫的評分標準中五檔作文要求：與所給短文融洽度高，與所提供各段落開頭語銜接合理。有效地使用了語句間的連接成分，使所續(xù)寫短文結構緊湊。據(jù)此，廣大教師可以從段落架構入手進行寫作教學。為了架構出連貫、流暢的段落，我們在段落展開的過程中要注意使用四個銜接策略：闡明及重申，對比，比較，因果。這四個策略通過邏輯關系的銜接促進段落發(fā)展，從而達到段落通順和統(tǒng)一的目的。《怦然心動》（Flipped）這本書講述了其貌不揚的小女孩和帥氣小男孩的戀愛故事，有同名電影幫助學生理解故事情節(jié)，詞匯難度適中，學生易讀懂。在閱讀中，學生能體會文本內(nèi)容的趣味性、邏輯的連貫性、段落的統(tǒng)一性。在潛移默化的熏陶中，學生能學會創(chuàng)建段落框架、在關鍵點安插標志詞，輸出邏輯合理、結構清晰的文段。

一、闡明及重申

要想將一個抽象概念印刻在讀者心中，最直接的手段就是闡明及重申。闡明通常是用舉例的方式將抽象概念具體化，形成例證關系。重申可以通過同、近義詞的相互疊加，形成遞進式關系，也可以通過使用下義詞對概念進行闡明的方法，形成總分的邏輯關系。

1.闡明

Chapter 1:Juli Baker is the kind of annoying person who makes a point of letting you know she’s smart.Her hand is the first one up;her answers are usually complete dissertations;her projects are always turned in early and used as weapons against the rest of the class.Teachers always have to hold her project up and say,“This is what I’m looking for,class.This is an example of A-plus work.”

第一句為核心句，而后面的句子則通過實例使讀者具體感受到了Juli Baker 的聰明以及惹人討厭之處。

2.重申

（1）Chapter 1:She didn’t just barge into my life.She barged and shoved and wedged her way into my life.Did we invite her to get into our moving van and start climbing all over boxes? No! But that’s exactly what she did,taking over and showing off like only Juli Baker can.

（2）Chapter 2:It was her hair.She had mountains of it,twisted this way or that,clipped or beaded,braided or swirled.Her ponytails rivaled the ones on carousel horses.And on the days she let it all hang down,she’d sort of shimmy and cuddle inside it like it was a blanket,so that practically all you saw of her face was her nose.

（3）Chapter 5:Then she races across the street in a flood of tears....I’d never seen Juli cry before.Not when she’d broken her arm in P.E.,not when she’d been teased at school or ditched by her brothers.Not even when they’d cut down the sycamore tree.I’m pretty sure she cried then,but I didn’t actually see it.To me,Juli Baker had always been too tough to cry.

在以上例子中，例（1）屬于遞進式近義詞重申，“barged and shoved and wedged”“taking over and showing off ”屬于漸強的近義詞，將男孩對女主人公厭棄的神情加強式地推到讀者眼前。例（2）是下義詞重申，為了說明女主人公頭發(fā)的整體質感，作者從發(fā)量、編織樣式、垂感、光澤度方面進行了下義描述，結構上呈總分模式，符合人的認知順序。例（3）為同、近義詞重申，“a flood of tears”“I’d never seen Juli cry before”“Not when”“Not even when”“too tough to cry”都屬于同、近義詞闡明，能夠從側面烘托出女主人公平日里的堅強以及受到的打擊之大?？山梃b的是，闡明及重申手段符合人理解事物的習慣，適用于將抽象事物具體化的場景。

二、對比

對比是通過前后事物的轉折來凸顯情節(jié)或者情感的轉變，賦予文章變化之美，它可以通過邏輯副詞以及情感詞來實現(xiàn)。

1.邏輯副詞

學生在閱讀中可以積累常用的邏輯轉折詞，例如however,but,on the other hand...等，這有助于其設計故事情節(jié)轉折，引導讀者重點關注隨后要發(fā)生的事或者要表達的觀點。

（1）Chapter 1:Lucky for me,my dad was willing to run block.And he did it over and over again.He told her I was busy or sleeping or just plain gone.He was a lifesaver.My sister,on the other hand,tried to sabotage me any chance she got.Lynetta’s like that.

（2）Chapter 2:My mouth was watering just looking at it! But it was in Mrs.Loski’s hands,and I knew there was no getting it back.All I could do was try to eat up the smells while I listened to the two of them discuss grocery stores and the weather forecast.

（3）Chapter 7:Luckily I didn’t have to answer.He just grinned and said,“Some of us get dipped in flat,some in satin,some in gloss....”He turned to me.“But every once in a while you find someone who’s iridescent,and when you do,nothing will ever compare.”

例（1）對比突出爸爸（He）和姐姐的性格差異。例（2）對比體現(xiàn)了我對蛋糕的喜愛以及當時的無可奈何。例（3）帶給人啟發(fā)：有人住高樓，有人在深溝，有人光萬丈，有人一身銹，世人萬千種，浮云莫去求，斯人若彩虹，遇上方知有。

2.情感詞

情感詞的轉折是通過絕對化的詞給予讀者以強烈的對比印象，例：

（1）Chapter 2:She’d bring in some note and be sure to swoon a little for the teacher the first few days of the year,after which she’d be excused from anything that required muscles.She never even put up her own chair at the end of the day.The only muscles she exercised regularly were the ones around her mouth,and those she worked out nonstop.

（2）Chapter 8:My father frowned and said,“When we signed the lease,he assured us he would fix the fences,front and back,and plant sod in the front yard.Obviously that never happened.”He shook his head.“It’s a major undertaking,and fencing is not cheap.I can’t see putting that sort of investment into a property that’s not ours.Plus,it’s the principle of the thing.”

例（1）通過be sure to do,never,only,nonstop 等詞對比表現(xiàn)出女二號從不愛上體育課，只喜歡說閑話的特質。例（2）通過承諾以及承諾的落空對比表現(xiàn)出“我的父親”對房東的失望。

對比不僅可以突出此物不同于他物的特質，而且還可以表現(xiàn)作者的褒貶之情，讓讀者產(chǎn)生共鳴。一篇好的記敘文不僅情節(jié)跌宕起伏，還能傳遞某種價值觀。直接輸出價值觀略顯生硬，通過對比他物能夠更好地達到目的。

三、比較

比較是將兩個熟悉的事物的相似特征進行對比，通過聯(lián)想相似性激發(fā)讀者的新的信息領域，它通過對比、打比方的方式來實現(xiàn)。

（1）Chapter 6:After they cut down the sycamore tree,it seemed like everything else fell apart,too.Champ died.And then I found out about the eggs.It was Champ’s time to go,and even though I still miss him,I think it’s been easier for me to deal with his death than it has been for me to deal with the truth about the eggs.

（2）Chapter 8:He wanted to know about the sycamore tree and seemed to understand exactly what I meant when I told about the whole being greater than the sum of its parts.“It’s that way with people,too,”he said,“only with people it’s sometimes that the whole is less than the sum of the parts.”

（3）Chapter 13:My mom came up and gave me a hug and a kiss like I’d won a gold medal or something,then whispered,“My little baby,”and clickity-clicked off in her high heels,back to work.

例（1）中，Juli（女主人公）的雞蛋被Bryce（男主人公）扔掉，這比寵物狗的死去更讓她難過。例（2）通過繪畫中各部分組成的整體會大于或者小于部分之美的道理，類比有時人從整體上并沒有從部分上看那么美，從而揭示了要注重心靈美的價值觀。例（3），Bryce 的媽媽因兒子被選為basket boy 而興奮得好像他得了金牌一樣。作者將這一場景描寫得非常生動。比較是一門藝術，它能夠引導我們的注意力轉向，用舊知識刺激新的知識框架。

四、因果

追尋因果律是人類的本能，所以在閱讀以及寫作中一定要清楚地交代事件的原因及結果，這樣才符合人的認知思維方式。因果關系能夠解釋說明事物發(fā)展的起因、過程，以及結果。常見的表因果的連詞有because,why,as,since等。但也有不給連詞直接先因后果或先果后因的情況。

（1）Chapter 9:My dad muttered that if we were really going to do this,it would be a whole lot better to barbecue because at least that way he’d have something to do,but my mom positively smoked him with her eyes and he dropped it.

（2）Chapter 7:①My grandfather’s cheeks are seriously flushed,but his voice is rock-steady as he says,...My grandfather slams his hand on the table and half-stands as he says,“It had nothing to do with chromosomes,Rick! It was caused by a lack of oxygen at birth.”②“One’s character is set at an early age,son.The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life.”He was quiet for a minute,then dropped the curtain and said,“I hate to see you swim out so far you can’t swim back.”

例（1）和例（2）的①是先果后因，例（2）的②是先因后果，我們可以通過因果講述故事或者升華主題。因果律是人們探究事物發(fā)展的原因，以及預測事物結果的工具，對于人的自我提升有著重要的意義，更不用說提升寫作邏輯了。就如同這本書的名言警句（例（2）中的②）一般：一個人的性格塑造于小時候，你現(xiàn)在所做的選擇將會影響你的一生。

五、實例分析

A Dragon Across the Lingdingyang—Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge

Chinese,whose country is renowned as“Land of Bridges”,have always had a special love knot of bridges.Ranging from Anji Bridge in ancient times to the Qiantang River Bridge in modern times,bridges are the typical symbols of social productivity levels in various historical periods.Nowadays,a super project—Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge,entitled“the world greatest”,has again caught the eyeballs of the world.

When it comes to Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge,a great feeling of patriotism and pride reverberates in my heart.Each step has to be deliberately designed and followed until it reaches the top level,from the design,to selecting materials,and to the tests.Firstly,it is meant to conquer the greatest difficulty in construction design.Integrating the bridge,tunnel and artificial island together makes it no less challenging than climbing Mount Qomolangma.Meanwhile,it is extremely demanding in selecting materials for the tunnel.The tunnel should be the longest in length and service time and buried deepest.It proves to be the first completely watertight immersed tunnel in the world.Besides,it copes well with the strongest seismic load after countless tests.The largest laminated rubber bearing in the world has installed a“stability anchor”for it to resist the magnitude 16 typhoon,magnitude 8 earthquake and the 300 000 ton ship collision. Precisely,the first-rate quality of the Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge ensures a good environment for GBA to create huge economic flow.Today,the port container throughput and airport passenger throughput of GBA connected by the Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge have reached the world’s most.The economic total quantity of GBA has surpassed the level of San Francisco Bay Area,almost catching up that of New York Bay Area.

The Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macao Bridge is like a dragon across the Lingdingyang,representing a down-to-earth,progressive and dedicated craftsman’s spirit.It is also a golden name card of being an industrial power.（郭同學 用英文講中國故事話題寫作）

點評：本文介紹了屢創(chuàng)世界第一的珠港澳大橋，文中既包含了因果又有重申及比較，邏輯架構嚴謹，語言流暢。第一段簡述了中國人對橋的情節(jié)的因，導致了修建歷史上優(yōu)秀大橋的果，包括珠港澳大橋。它又引起了另一個結果：它吸引了世界的眼球。接下來講它引起國人的愛國熱情和自豪感的因。緊密的因果邏輯，使每句話都與主題相關且環(huán)環(huán)相扣。

第二段里面有三個明顯的關鍵詞闡明及重申，同時設計了中心句提綱挈領，“Each step has to be deliberately designed and followed until it reaches the top level,from the design,to selecting materials,and to the tests.”句中的design,selecting materials,tests 都在后文中有具體的闡釋。后文中通過firstly,meanwhile,besides 提示了所要介紹的珠港澳大橋的三個世界第一。而后文中的construction design,selecting materials for the tunnel,countless tests 又重申了分論點。時間標志詞Today，也提示了除了三個世界之最外，它對當下相關地區(qū)的影響。

比較是強化段落邏輯的有效手段，通過與攀登珠穆朗瑪峰的對比（makes it no less challenging than climbing Mount Qomolangma），形象地描述了橋梁設計的難度，化抽象為具體。粵港澳大灣區(qū)的經(jīng)濟總量也已超過舊金山灣區(qū)，向紐約灣區(qū)靠齊（The economic total quantity of GBA has surpassed the level of San Francisco Bay Area,almost catching up that of New York Bay Area.）。通過對比舊金山灣區(qū)、紐約灣區(qū)的經(jīng)濟總量，讓讀者清楚地知道這座大橋覆蓋的經(jīng)濟區(qū)在世界上所占有的重要地位。

為達到讀后所創(chuàng)作文段與所給文段融洽度高的目標，在寫作中可以先用邏輯關系分析所給文段，再用邏輯架構續(xù)寫，以便做到首尾呼應、文風一致、故事情節(jié)合理。牢記邏輯架構是創(chuàng)作優(yōu)秀作品的重要要素。將抽象概念具體化是必要的寫作程序，而闡明及重申、對比、比較、因果都是我們常用的寫作手段。它們能豐富語段、突出重點、刺激聯(lián)想，使得故事線有起承轉合、情感線有上下起伏，情感升華水到渠成。不論是在段落中還是段落間，我們都需要注意邏輯的架構，這樣創(chuàng)作出來的作品才是讀起來地道，具有連貫性及一致性的優(yōu)秀作品。