Dear Dad，

Youre doing it all wrong.

Eleven years ago， the doctors handed you a little， pink 1）bundle of 2）vulnerability. You were 26 years old， and you walked out of the hospital entirely responsible for a brand new human being. A whole person. As if that were a totally 3）sane thing to let you do. It scared you. They eventually handed you two more little people. It was supposed to get a little easier each time.

It didnt.

You never got less afraid. You never got more certain about how to be a dad. So you decided to 4）make it up along the way. You can stop feeling bad about that—its what everybody else is doing， too. The problem is， you listened to the voices in the world around you， instead of listening to the voice coming from the world within you. You can forgive yourself for that， too. The voices around you are loud and hard to ignore.

They told you 5）achievement matters most. So you stressed about 6）school districts and kindergarten homework and guitar 7）recitals. You secretly kept score in your head at first grade soccer games. You thought scoring goals was the goal of life.

But can you remember？

Can you remember what it was like to be just a few years out of 8）diapers and to score a goal on the soccer field？ You didnt care about the score and you didnt start planning for your future soccer 9）scholarship. No， you 10）whipped your head around to be sure they were looking. The real goal was to be seen. The real goal was to have someone to celebrate with.

Dad， you can stop spending all your time trying to get them into school， and you can start taking the time to walk them to school.

They told you good parents give their kids great experiences. So you turned yourself into an event planner and a part-time personal driver. You 11）signed them up for camps， 12）sampled after-school activities like a 13）smorgasbord， and went to every possible program and event. You went to 14）Legoland because you thought you had to. And then you wondered why the kids were tired and unhappy.

Outward experience is where we find 15）thrills， but inward experience is where we find a home.

Dad， your kids dont need you to help them live the fullest life; they need you to help them find the deepest life. You dont have to show them the world; you just have to listen to the world going on inside of them.

Dear Dad， I just watched a movie that ended with this thought： “We dont 16）seize the moment; the moments seize us.” Dad， youre doing it all wrong. Stop trying to seize every moment. Stop trying to make your childrens lives 17）extraordinary. Instead， allow every ordinary moment to seize you. Your kids lives are 18）unfolding one moment at a time， and the thing they want most is also the thing they need most.

They want you to be a witness. To their passing moments.

They want you to pay attention. To their 19）fleeting lives.

Dad， it may be just another hurried Tuesday morning to you， but to them its another morning to wonder if you notice. Another morning to wonder if theyll have a place to belong. Another morning to wonder if they are beloved. Another morning to wonder about the purpose of this one wild life. Another morning for you to join them in all their becoming. Another morning in which you are the most important man they know.

Im guessing that may be a little 20）overwhelming.

Be overwhelmed， Dad.

Let the moments roll over you and be overwhelmed by the 21）sacredness of every single one. Pay attention like their lives depend upon it， because they feel like their lives do depend upon it.

Be still. Notice. Join.

In the end， Dad， it may be the only part of being a dad that really matters.

With love，

You

親愛(ài)的老爸：

你全都做錯(cuò)啦。

十一年前，醫(yī)生們遞給你一個(gè)包著脆弱小人兒的粉紅小包裹。那時(shí)的你才26歲，走出醫(yī)院后卻要完完全全地對(duì)一個(gè)全新的人類(lèi)生命負(fù)責(zé)——一個(gè)完完整整的人。似乎讓你做那樣的事是完全合乎情理的，但你卻被嚇壞了。最終，他們又交給你另外兩個(gè)小人兒。按理說(shuō)，你應(yīng)該會(huì)依次變得輕松一點(diǎn)兒。

但你沒(méi)有。

你的恐懼從未減少。對(duì)于如何當(dāng)一個(gè)父親你也從來(lái)沒(méi)有什么把握。于是你決定，邊學(xué)邊做。你不用對(duì)此感到難過(guò)——其他人也是這樣做的。問(wèn)題是，你總是聽(tīng)你周?chē)穆曇?，卻不去聆聽(tīng)發(fā)自?xún)?nèi)心深處的那個(gè)聲音。對(duì)于這一點(diǎn)，你也可以原諒自己。畢竟，你周?chē)穆曇羰悄敲创螅帜敲醋屓穗y以忽視。

他們告訴你成績(jī)最重要。所以你為了孩子們的學(xué)區(qū)、幼兒園作業(yè)和吉他獨(dú)奏會(huì)操碎了心。你還偷偷記下他們一年級(jí)足球比賽時(shí)的得分。你認(rèn)為進(jìn)球得分就是人生的目標(biāo)。

可是，你還記得嗎？

你還記得自己剛剛擺脫尿布沒(méi)幾年就在足球場(chǎng)上進(jìn)球時(shí)的情形嗎？那時(shí)的你不關(guān)心得分，也沒(méi)開(kāi)始為未來(lái)的足球獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金做打算。沒(méi)有，你四處張望，確認(rèn)他們都在看著。你真正的目標(biāo)，是被看見(jiàn)。真正的目標(biāo)，是有人和你一起慶祝。

老爸，別再把所有時(shí)間都花在讓他們讀好的學(xué)校上了，現(xiàn)在你可以花些時(shí)間陪孩子們一起走路上學(xué)。

他們告訴你，好的父母應(yīng)該給予孩子們美好的體驗(yàn)。于是你把自己變成一名活動(dòng)策劃者和一個(gè)兼職的私人司機(jī)。你給孩子們報(bào)名參加了露營(yíng)，讓他們?nèi)ンw驗(yàn)像大雜燴般多樣的課外活動(dòng)，盡可能地參加每一個(gè)節(jié)目和活動(dòng)。你帶他們?nèi)?lè)高樂(lè)園，因?yàn)槟阌X(jué)得你們必須去。然后你感到很困惑，為什么孩子們會(huì)如此疲倦不堪、悶悶不樂(lè)？

外在的體驗(yàn)讓我們找到刺激，但內(nèi)在的體驗(yàn)才是家之所在。

老爸，孩子們不需要你幫助他們過(guò)上最充實(shí)的生活;他們需要你幫他們找到生命的真諦。你不需要向他們展示這個(gè)世界;你只需要聆聽(tīng)他們的內(nèi)心世界。

親愛(ài)的老爸，我曾看過(guò)一部電影，它在結(jié)尾處表達(dá)了這樣一種思想：“不是我們抓住當(dāng)下，而是當(dāng)下抓住我們?！崩习?，你全都做錯(cuò)啦。別再試圖抓住每一個(gè)瞬間，也別再試著讓你的孩子過(guò)上非凡的生活了。相反，讓每一個(gè)平凡的瞬間抓住你吧。孩子們的生活會(huì)一步步地展開(kāi)，他們最想要的東西也正是他們最需要的。

他們希望你做一個(gè)見(jiàn)證人，見(jiàn)證他們逝去的瞬間。

他們希望你做一個(gè)關(guān)注者，關(guān)注他們稍縱即逝的生活。

老爸，對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，這或許只是另一個(gè)匆忙的星期二早晨，但對(duì)他們來(lái)說(shuō)，這又是另一個(gè)想知道你是否注意到他們的早晨;另一個(gè)想知道他們是否有歸屬的早晨;另一個(gè)想知道他們是否被愛(ài)著的早晨;另一個(gè)想知道這種瘋狂生活的意義何在的早晨。對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，這是另一個(gè)你參與他們所有成長(zhǎng)變化的早晨。另一個(gè)你成為他們最重要的人的早晨。

我猜這可能有點(diǎn)難以應(yīng)付吧。

招架不住就招架不住吧，老爸。

讓那些瞬間在你身上打滾，讓每一個(gè)神圣的瞬間淹沒(méi)你吧。給予他們關(guān)注，就像他們的生活依賴(lài)于這份關(guān)注一樣。因?yàn)樗麄兊纳畲_實(shí)依賴(lài)你的關(guān)注。

靜下心來(lái)，關(guān)注他們，融入他們。

老爸，到頭來(lái)，這也許才是作為一個(gè)父親最重要的部分。

愛(ài)你的，自己

注釋?zhuān)?/p>

1） bundle n. 捆，包

2） vulnerability n. 脆弱性，弱點(diǎn)

3） sane a. 神志清楚的，合乎情理的

4） make up 補(bǔ)足，彌補(bǔ)

5） achievement n. 成就，成績(jī)

6） school district 學(xué)區(qū)

7） recital n. 朗誦，獨(dú)奏會(huì)

8） diaper n. 尿布

9） scholarship n. 獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金

10） whip v. 鞭打，突然移動(dòng)

11） sign up for 報(bào)名參加

12） sample v. 取樣，嘗試

13） smorgasbord n. 瑞典式自助餐，大雜燴

14） Legoland 樂(lè)高樂(lè)園

15） thrill n. 興奮，激動(dòng)

16） seize v. 抓住

17） extraordinary a. 非凡的

18） unfold v. 打開(kāi)，展開(kāi)

19） fleeting a. 飛逝的，短暫的

20） overwhelm v. 淹沒(méi)，壓倒，制服

21） sacredness n. 神圣