【欄目要求】

1. 將學生習作根據中考分值給出成績； 2. 在應該修改的地方劃線并標注序號；

3. 根據所標序號進行修改并說明修改的理由； 4. 給學生習作點評<優(yōu)點與不足>；

5. 請點評名師提供簡歷一份，包括：學校、職務、 職稱、榮譽、教研教學成果、照片一張。

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來稿請寄： 430079 華中師范大學外國語學院《中學生英語》 雜志社 收

本 期 點 評 名 師

于瑩，1992年畢業(yè)于山東師范大學，中學高級教師，梁山縣優(yōu)秀教師，市級優(yōu)質課一等獎，一直擔任初中英語的教學工作，連續(xù)多年在中考中取得優(yōu)異成績。2012年12月在山東省英語競賽中榮獲優(yōu)秀指導教師稱號。先后在《中學生英語》、《山東教育導報》、《現代中學生》、《初中生英語學習》、《英語輔導報》、《英語周報》、《學生導報》、《新課堂》等國家級、省級報刊上發(fā)表教學論文三十多篇。

The Girl with a Broom

It was a sunny day. On my way to① home， I walked and sang happily. At the corner of a street I saw a girl of my age standing in front of me with a broom in her hands. I wondered what was she② doing. Then she started sweeping the road. I couldnt help looking at her up and down. She had long black hair and big eyes. My eyes were following her movements when she noticed me. Both of us smiled.

“Be careful！” she shouted. I turned around to see a truck coming towards me. How dangerous！It was she who helped me escape the danger. The truck roared past. “Thank you，” I said to her. With a smile on her face， she walked away with her broom.

I told my father the whole story. He said he knew the girl. She is one of his students. Her father is a street cleaner. Her mother is ill in bed. She has to help her father at③ his work every morning. After school she hurries home to help her parents make the bed， cook meals， clean the rooms and wash clothes. Then she starts studying.

I was deeply touching④ by her story. “I will learn from her，” I said. My father smiled and said， “My dear daughter， you have grown up.” Since that day， I have worked hard. Whenever I meet any difficulties， I think of the girl with a broom.

山東省梁山縣楊營中學八年級 石秀玲

1. 優(yōu)點：

文章寫得真摯感人，描寫了一位勤勞懂事的小女孩，雖家境貧寒，卻從小就幫父母分擔了家庭的重擔，并且學習刻苦。作者從她身上學到了許多，受到鼓舞去克服困難，升華了文章的感染力。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① 去掉to，home是副詞，前面不加介詞to；

② was放she的后面，賓語從句用陳述句語序；

③ at改為with，help... with... 意為“在……幫助某人”；

④ touching改為touched，touched表示“受到感動的”，touching表示“令人感動的”。

3. 評分：

按中考英語作文滿分15分的評分標準，本文修改前可得12分。