石繼忠

Dinner Table Gaffe1

A couple invited some people to dinner. At the table， the wife turned to their six-year-old daughter and said， “Dear， would you like to say the blessing？”

“I wouldnt know what to say，” the girl replied.

“Just say what you hear Mommy say，” the wife answered.

The daughter nodded her head and said， “My God， why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner？”

餐桌失言

一對夫婦邀來客人共進(jìn)晚餐。就餐前，妻子轉(zhuǎn)身對他們六歲的女兒說：“寶貝，來做餐前禱告，好嗎？”

女兒答道：“我不知道講什么。”

妻子道：“就講你聽媽咪講過的。”

女兒點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭，說道：“主啊，我到底為什么請這些人來吃晚餐??？”

The Mean Mans Party

The mean man finally decided to give a dinner party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment， he said， “Come up to 5F， find the middle door and ring the doorbell with your elbow2. When the door open， push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot？”

“You have gifts in your hands. Well， God，” the man replied， “Youre not coming empty-handed， are you？”

吝嗇鬼請客

一個吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開?！?/p>

“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。

Good News and Bad News

The soldiers had been marching and fighting. They were dirty， hot and tired. One day， the general announced， “My men， I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first？” “The good news！” they all shouted. “OK，” said the general. “The good news is that you will each receive a complete change of clothing.” “Hurrah！” the soldiers cried out of joy. “And now for the bad news. Jack， you will change with John. John， you will change with Tom. Tom， you will change with Robert. Robert...”

好消息和壞消息

士兵們連續(xù)行軍作戰(zhàn)，他們又累又熱又臟。一天，將軍宣布：“士兵們，我有一些好消息和壞消息要告訴你們。你們愿意先聽哪個呢？”“好消息！”他們?nèi)碌馈！昂冒?，”將軍說，“好消息就是你們每個人都可以徹底換一身衣服。”“好哇！”士兵們高興地大叫起來?！艾F(xiàn)在呢，該是壞消息了。杰克，你和約翰換衣服，約翰，你和湯姆換，湯姆，你和羅伯特?fù)Q，羅伯特……”

The Doctor Lives Downstairs

“Doctor，” she said loudly， breaking into the room， “I want you to say frankly3 whats wrong with me.”

He look her up and down. “Madam，” he said， “Ive just three things to tell you. First， your weight need to be reduced by nearly fifty pounds. Second， your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge4 and lipstick5. And third， Im an artist—the doctor lives downstairs.”

醫(yī)生住在樓下

“醫(yī)生！”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說道，“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病?！?/p>

他打量著她，然后說道：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您只用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會提升。第三，我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”

Its His Fault

Billy and Bobby were brothers， and they often had fights with each other.

Last Saturday their mother said to them， “Im going to cook our lunch now. Go out and play in the garden and be good.”

“Yes， Mummy，” the two boys answered， and they went out.

They played in the garden for half an hour， and then Billy ran into the kitchen. “Mummy，” he said， “Bobbys broken a window in Mrs. Allens house.”

“Hes a bad boy，” his mother said， “How did he break it？”

“I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered， “and he quickly ducked6.”

是他的錯

比利和波比是兩兄弟，兩人經(jīng)常打架。

上個星期六，他們的媽媽對他們說：“我現(xiàn)在要做午飯了。去，到花園去玩吧，別淘氣?！?/p>

“是，媽媽，”兩個男孩回答，然后他們就出去了。

他們在花園里玩了半個小時，然后比利跑進(jìn)了廚房。“媽媽，”他說，“波比打破了艾倫太太家的窗戶?！?/p>

“他是個壞孩子，”他的媽媽說，“他是怎么把窗戶打破的？”

“我朝他扔了一塊石子，”比利回答道，“他躲開了?！?/p>

One Engine Left

A 747 plane was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker， “Attention， passengers. We have lost one of four engines， but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately， we will arrive an hour late as a result.” After a while， the passengers heard the captains voice again， “Guess what， folks. We just lost our third engine， but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late.” At this point， one passenger became angry. “For Petes sake，” he shouted， “If we lose another engine， well be up here all night！”

只剩一個引擎

一架747客機(jī)正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機(jī)長的聲音：“旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。不幸的是我們要晚到一小時?！边^了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機(jī)長的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎么啦？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。”正在這時，一位乘客氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”