By John M. Ridland

You died, and I, instead of tearing my hair,

wailing, rending1. rend: 撕裂，扯破。my garments, went to school and taught my class in verse, as if I were

still as I’d been for your six years, calm, cool,

though passionate about each line, each word,

foot, enjambed2. enjambed: 詩歌跨行句（enjambment）的。line end, changing tone of diction,syntactical consturction, seen and heard—

and every minute of that hour a fiction.

I should have stayed at home, gone AWOL3. AWOL: 短語absent without leave的縮寫，即擅離職守。, skipped my classes, held your mother in my arms,

dampened her matchless hair; I should have flipped4. flip: 用手指輕彈或迅速拉動某物。the breakers5. breaker: [電工]circuit breaker的簡稱，即斷路開關(guān)，斷路器。setting off the fire alarms,

since we were singed by fire, a con flagration6. singe: 把……燒焦，烤焦； con flagration:（毀滅性的）大火災(zāi)。burning as hot as if an incendiary7. incendiary: 易燃的。

bomb had directly hit our warden station—8. warden:（商會）監(jiān)管人員，譬如倫敦金融城同業(yè)總工會（Livery Companies of the City of London）便是由一位總監(jiān)管人（Prime Warden，又稱Master）、數(shù)位頭銜各異的監(jiān)管人（the Upper,Middle, Lower, or Renter Wardens）以及理事會（Court of Assistants）共同進(jìn)行管理；station: 分局，站，所。the house in rubble, the future left to bury.

What sort of father takes grief as I did?

One who’s been taught in childhood, Bear your cross,9. bear one’s cross: 源自《圣經(jīng)》中耶穌基督背負(fù)十字架的典故，指忍受苦難。and further trained in youth to screw the lid10. screw: 擰緊，旋緊；lid: 蓋子。此處詩人將失去親人的痛楚比作從容器中不斷涌出的流體，他試圖旋緊瓶蓋，控制自己的悲哀情感。

down tight on any wild, unspeakable loss.

Forgive me, child of my right hand, and joy,as Jonson wrote from the same point of view—not that you’re there in any sense, loved boy,but it helps me to talk unheard to you.

你去世了，但我，并沒有扯拽頭發(fā)、

嗚咽哀號、撕裂衣衫，而是去學(xué)校

給我的班級教授詩歌，好似我還像

六歲的你所熟知的那般鎮(zhèn)靜、沉著，

盡管我沉醉于每句詩行、逐個字詞、

音步韻腳、連跨行末、措辭變調(diào)與

句法構(gòu)造，以及詩中一切所見所聞——

每一分鐘課堂時光都如虛構(gòu)般入勝。

我本應(yīng)留在家中，擅離職守，錯過

我的教學(xué)課程，將你母親攬入懷中，

用淚水沾濕她絕美的發(fā)絲；我本應(yīng)

急拉電源開關(guān)并隨即觸響火警警報，

因為我們早就已被烈火燎焦，此番

巨焰熾熾，灼熱炎炎，好似有一枚

燃燒榴彈徑直擊中我們的監(jiān)管會所——

房屋崩裂為碎石，未來只待被埋葬。

如我這般悼挽到底算是怎樣的父親？

從幼年起便被教育著要“忍辱負(fù)重”，

青年時代又繼續(xù)練習(xí)著要緊閉心門，

不論身陷何種無以言表的瘋狂喪失。

請原諒我，右掌上予我歡愉的孩兒，

正如瓊森從同樣視角寫下悼子挽文——

并非因你已身處異界，摯愛的男孩，

只是我更愿在無人旁聽時對你傾訴。