by Marc Rinosa

I wake up， after my third attempt at shutting down my alarm. I aimlessly walk to my desk， turn on my never-off computer， attempt to type my password in my near-conscious state， succeed at the ninth， and open my mail application on the taskbar. Seven 1）notifications， I scroll down， I see NYU. I think， oh， just another email that tells me how exciting my dream school is and how everybody there is having the time of their life and how I should be there too. But then I see “Your NYU Admissions Decision.” Purple 2）letterhead， my address， oh my God， this is official.

Dear Marc，

The admissions committee at New York University has carefully considered your application and supporting 3）credentials， and it is with regret that I must inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to one of our NYU campuses this year.

Worst. Morning. Ever.

I think it took me 4）approximately 59 and a half minutes to truly realize the gravity of the situation. I did not know as to whether or not I would 5）succumb to my inner-toddler and throw the biggest 6）tantrum ever or go back to sleep and try to never wake up again. I tried to direct the blame to the admissions team that supposedly“regretted” their decision. Then I tried to blame my counselor， whom I devised a scenario for whereby she forgot to send everything， which of course did not happen. Ultimately I directed the blame to myself， telling myself I wasnt good enough， that I couldve done better， that I shouldve studied harder for the 7）SATs， or that the reason why they rejected me was because I just didnt want it as much as the others. As usual， before I even got a chance to get up from the computer， I began to compare myself to how everybody else was doing， how I wasnt like the 8）valedictorian， going to Harvard， or my friend， who got a full ride to her first-choice college. I threw a pity party attended by nobody but myself and 9）ate a generous slice of humble pie， because I knew that this was just the first of many major rejections I would face in life.

Lastly， I printed out that email and framed it.

It was almost second nature to me， as if it was natural to objectify my failure and place it in a location in my house for the entire family to see. Of course Ive contemplated taking it down and just throwing it away， but Ive realized that I framed the letter to serve as a reminder of what Ive realized about myself and the average teenager today.

I compare myself to others in order to define how successful I am. Its almost natural for human beings to compare themselves to others， primarily because we live in a community of social competition. When I lived amongst the Harvards， the Yales and the MITs， it became second nature for me to 10）put them on a pedestal and 11）simultaneously develop an 12）inferiority complex.

Ive realized through a single rejection letter that as a teenager， we are pushed and pushed and pushed to almost fit into a mold of success. No longer are we only concerned with crafting a successful social image； we are also concerned with an image of personal success in the eyes of others.

As teenagers， we have goals. We have goals to finally graduate high school and attend a good college. Sometimes， such as in my case， goals become expectations. We expect to get into the college of our choice. We expect to become successful. But success in itself is 13）subjective. What success is to others may not be what success is to you. Only you are the deciding factor on what success really is， so relying on other people to determine how successful you are isnt the most reliable way to do so.

Im not going to graduate as the valedictorian or the 14）salutatorian of my class. Heck， Im not even graduating in the top 20 percent of my class. I wont be able to wear a gold 15）sash during my graduation or be able to sit on stage. Sure， some people may think of that as not being successful. But to me， just being able to walk the stage， take that diploma， and leave as a high school graduate—that is success to me.

I framed NYUs rejection letter ultimately to serve as a reminder to my future self of where I have gotten as a result of what I have overcome. How， in many respects， the rejections I faced in life helped me continually reshape my own personal definition of success.

在三次按下鬧鐘后，我起床了。我漫無目的地走到書桌前，打開那部一直沒關(guān)掉的電腦。在半夢半醒之間，我嘗試敲出電腦密碼。試了9次后，終于成功。我打開任務(wù)欄上的郵件應(yīng)用程序。有7個(gè)未讀郵件提示，我轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)鼠標(biāo)滾軸往下翻頁，看到了紐約大學(xué)。我想，嗯，只不過又是一封這樣的郵件，告訴我：我心中的理想大學(xué)有多棒，那里的每個(gè)人過得有多開心，而我也很應(yīng)該到那里去。但接著，我看到了“紐約大學(xué)錄取決定”的字樣。紫色的信箋抬頭，我的地址，噢，天啊，終于來正式結(jié)果了。

親愛的馬克：

紐約大學(xué)招生委員會(huì)已認(rèn)真審閱了你的申請和提交材料，我很遺憾地通知你，今年我們不能錄取你進(jìn)入紐約大學(xué)的各校區(qū)。

有史以來，最糟糕的，早上。

我想我用了大概59分鐘30秒才真的明白到事情的嚴(yán)重性。我不知道自己要不要放任自己使性子大發(fā)雷霆，或是回去睡覺，拒不醒來。我試著責(zé)怪那些應(yīng)該為他們的決定感到“遺憾”的錄取人員。接著，我開始責(zé)怪我的升學(xué)顧問，我臆想她一定是忘了把所有材料都寄過去了——當(dāng)然事情并非如此。最后，我直接責(zé)怪自己，跟自己說，你不夠優(yōu)秀，你原本可以表現(xiàn)得好些，你當(dāng)初應(yīng)該為高考再勤奮一些，又或是他們沒有錄取你是因?yàn)槟愕娜雽W(xué)意愿沒有其他學(xué)生強(qiáng)烈。像往常一樣，在我可以從電腦旁站起來前，我開始將自己與別人現(xiàn)時(shí)的狀況進(jìn)行比較，疑惑自己為何不像在畢業(yè)典禮上致告別詞的優(yōu)秀學(xué)生那樣上哈佛，又或者不像我的朋友那樣獲得全額獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金進(jìn)入第一志愿大學(xué)。我開了一個(gè)只有我一個(gè)人參加的失意派對，含垢忍辱，因?yàn)槲抑肋@只是我人生中將要面對的眾多重大拒絕中的第一次而已。

最后，我將這封電郵打印出來，裱了起來。

這幾乎是我的第二天性，仿佛客觀地看待我的失敗，并將其置于家中人人都能看到的地方是件很自然的事。當(dāng)然，我也想過要把它摘下來，扔掉，但我已明白到我將這封拒絕信裱起來，是要提醒自己，我已經(jīng)悟出了一些對自己和現(xiàn)今一般青少年的看法。

我將自己與他人比較，以此定義自己有多成功。這可能是人類天然的本性——將自己與他人比較，這主要是由于我們活在一個(gè)充滿競爭的社會(huì)里。在一群哈佛生、耶魯生和麻省理工生之中，我自然將他們奉若神靈，同時(shí)深感自卑。

從這一封拒絕信中，我明白到了作為一名青少年，我們被一直推一直推，推向一個(gè)成功的模式之中。我們不但憂心要塑造成功的社會(huì)形象，還憂心要塑造成別人眼中的個(gè)人成功形象。

作為青少年，我們有目標(biāo)。我們的目標(biāo)是成功從中學(xué)畢業(yè)，然后上一所好大學(xué)。有時(shí)候，像我這樣的情況，目標(biāo)成了期望。我們希望考進(jìn)心儀的大學(xué)。我們希望有所成就。但成功是很主觀的。別人眼中的成功或許并不是你心目中的成功。只有你可以決定成功的真正定義，依賴別人來判斷你是否成功并不是最可靠的方法。

我并非班上在畢業(yè)禮致辭的杰出學(xué)生。糟了，我的畢業(yè)成績甚至還不是班上的前20%。我不會(huì)在畢業(yè)典禮上戴上金肩帶，也不能坐在臺(tái)上。當(dāng)然，有些人會(huì)認(rèn)為這就是不夠成功。但對我來說，能夠走到臺(tái)上，接過畢業(yè)證書，然后作為一個(gè)高中畢業(yè)生離開——那就是我的成功。

我將紐約大學(xué)的拒錄信裱起來，是要提醒未來的我，我的成就來自我所戰(zhàn)勝的困難。很大程度上，我在人生中對待這些拒絕的態(tài)度有助我繼續(xù)重塑自己對成功的定義。